Those Pagans were really ahead of the game when it comes to diagnosing S.A.D. They clearly realised that the only way the human race can endure the complete crapness of winter is by ensuring we had two major parties to look forward to, those being Halloween and Christmas. Smart cookies, those witchy, tree-loving folk! Therefore now I embrace and welcome the cold and the rain. Bring on freezing mornings, wet shoes and dark nights, for they signify ghosts and spooky adventures and dressing up like the ghoul I truly am.
And when I say dressing up, I mean properly dressing up. Consider this a call out to all xoJaners to lead by example when it comes to Halloween. It's the one night in every year that the freaks and geeks get a free pass to wear whatever the hell we want. For a single evening, anyone can wear anything and no one can call them out for it. Hallelujah, amen to that.
As we have a carte blanche excuse to look as awful as possible, the UK really needs to step up its game when it comes to our All Hallows attire. Not that I have ever been in America for Halloween, but I've seen enough films to know they take this event seriously and give it the respect it deserves (ever watched the party scene in Donnie Darko?!)
*Sorry, momentarily distracted by the memory of Jake Gyllenhal in his skeleton onesie and grey hoodie, aka the greatest boy's costume of all time. Casual, yes, but utterly perfect.*
Snapping out of Jake daydream – it’s not Obnoxiously Objectifying Thursday just yet – and back to the agenda.
The good people of the UK are still not great at doing Halloween properly. There are still too many saucy devils and cute cats - people don't even wear the awesome witch hats with built-in straggly black hair any more, which are only one of the greatest inventions of all time. It's a hat! It's a wig! All in one! Boom. Available from a newsagent near you.
No-one has to spend a huge amount of dollar to create a tremendous Halloween outfit. You'd be astounded by what I can rustle up with cling film, sellotape, garden wire, black bin bags and permanent marker (Blue Peter had a big effect on my creative development, ok?) It's just about embracing your inner kid and leaving your pride at the door. The key point to remember is that the better your costume, the less anyone will be looking at you! Halloween is the best moment to live out your alter ego fantasies and literally hide behind a mask.
Last year I recreated Rick Genest/Zombie Boy's facial tattoos (with some help from MAC greasepaint sticks and an hour in front of the bathroom mirror) and I suddenly understood exactly why he has them (that's coming from someone who already loves tattoos.) I felt completely invincible wearing my skull make-up mask. Like I could do anything, talk to anyone, behave however I felt like, as if I was a freaky zombie superhero. It ruled.
If you are at all bothered by social convention, then revel in the fact that Halloween is the one night when it is completely acceptable to go out looking like shit. Not alluring or polished or perfect. The whole point of the evening is to look like a weirdo. Since when was Halloween about sex? It's not. It's grisly and scary and stupid. Which is much more fun than worrying about whether your vampire fangs will withstand a drunken snog.*
*confession: I once wore theatrical vamp fangs for Halloween and couldn't get them to stick with the special putty stuff, so I used bits of Refresher bar sweets to stick the fangs onto my eye teeth. Holy sheeshkebabs, nobody tell my dentist.
With that in mind, I beg all xoJaners to go forth and spook-up this Halloween. There's still time for everyone to prep their most horrific costume yet, so go all out. It's a liberating feeling. I worship and adore Halloween for the simple fact that it represents the opposite of a normal Saturday night out. Instead of women trying to look their best, let's all look crappy together.
So, be gone with your cutesy cat ears and eyeliner whiskers! I want full on gore smeared across your visage.
That sounded wrong. But you get the idea. Halloween is heaven for the freaks and the geeks, so let’s P.A.R.T.Y.
and if you won't take George's work for it, watch THIS