Remember that pop up party/picnic/Ben Folds concert Marci is so sad she doesn't get to attend? Yeah...I'm going to that. Sorry, Marci! May it be of some cold comfort to you that said event is a white party, meaning I have to wear white.
There's nothing wrong with the color white -- it's bright and summery and makes you look super-tan. It's just that I've spent my life at a range of weights that sometimes reach obese and rarely dip below chubby, and along with a whole other host of social strictures designed around displaying the maximum amount of shame about my size, I internalized pretty strongly that rule about NO WHITE CLOTHING.
And look, I know these rules are dumb. Just a few years ago, after years of being careful to never be seen eating "junk food" in public, I managed to walk down the street eating a donut, and the world didn't end. No bad fatty alarm went off, I wasn't descended upon by cruelly mocking hippos ala some LSD-laced Fantasia payback nightmare.
But white. WHITE. White has never been a friend. White announces the outlines of your shape with complete certainty. White says "Hello, here are my exact proportions, hope you don't find them upsetting!" As a plus-size teen, I had approximately 700 different items of black clothing differentiated slightly by neckline. It was impossible to find anything specific in my closet.
I wear plenty of color these days, but I rarely wear white. I'm a little scared of white. Good thing I'm such a slutty slutty whore, so I never have to worry about wearing white on my wedding day. In fact, this may be my one big chance to non-deceptively wear white, so I'm determined to give it an honest try. Here are the options I managed to find:
This one looks better in pictures than it felt on. Something about the clinginess of the fabric accentuated my self-consciousness. (Also accentuating my self-consciousness: parading through the office in a variety of white dresses getting photographed in front of all my coworkers.) It's also maybe just a little basic? I feel like everyone will be wearing some version of this.
This was my favorite to wear, but once I saw the pictures I thought it was the least flattering. But I like the mesh cutouts and the middle one hits on my relatively toned upper abdomen, so all good there. I do, however, have to figure out some kind of strapless bra situation if I go with this one -- my hair is conveniently covering my bra straps in this shot.
This option makes me feel like a beauuuuuutiful princess. It was labeled as a "prom dress" but came in a "bridal boutique" box. This and other factors have me wondering if it might be a bit too fancy for an outdoor picnic event? Also, the beading on the bodice is silver, is that cheating?
Something about the proportions on this one are off for me, but I threw it in anyway because I couldn't handle the asymmetry of just 3 choices.
Honestly, I don't feel great in any of these. If you've read my writing on body and food, then you know my self-acceptance waxes and wanes as rapidly as my yo-yo dieting ass. Right now I'm at my heaviest in years and honestly, not feeling that awesome about myself. But I'll be good goddamned if I'll ever, EVER let my weight keep me from doing anything I want to do in life. So I'll put on the stupid white dress, maybe grimace a little in the mirror, and then I'll let it go and have a good time. Because I'll lose weight or I won't, but I can't do anything about it today. And I refuse to put my joy on reserve for some future body to enjoy.
Are there clothing rules you're still scared to break? Do you wear white? And is anybody concerned about the real issue here -- how long it is going to take me to dribble some kind of food item across my white dress?