Having an organized and stylish place to keep your weed that you can leave out in plain sight is an option any adult deserves.
Do you remember the first time you purchased a dress with pockets? Like, maybe you didn't even realize there were pockets when you bought it, but then you looked in the mirror and twirled around in it for the first time and then you smoothed it out as one does after a solid twirl and your hands disappeared but not really because OMG POCKETS!
Discovering pockets in an already-wonderful dress is one of those "it's the little things" moments that causes an inordinate amount of joy. It's a tiny surprise party on your pelvis! And I am forever in search of other sartorial surprises to get my fix.
In fact, I recently became the proud owner of a different kind of pocket surprise: this T-shirt from RIPNDIP. At first glance, it appears to be just a T-shirt with a cute little white cat peeking out of the pocket. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
Available in a few different colors, and in dude's-really-wide-armhole-tank form, my Lord Nermal shirt makes me stupidly happy. I'm not even a big middle-finger giver, but wearing this makes me want to pull down the pocket at people who don't even deserve it.
If this T-shirt isn't really your style, then I don't really understand you and your general outlook on life, but I've found several other items of clothing with delightful little surprises.
Remember Freezy Freakies?! For some reason, my brain remembered their name as Freaky Freezies, but whatever — they're back, they come in adult sizes, and they almost make me wish winter wasn't over. Almost.
If you're not familiar with the most exciting gloves in the history of cold-weather accessories, Freezy Freakies develop a hidden image when exposed to freezing temperatures. Like all four of the designs currently available, the unicorn-pegasus/hearts/stripes design above goes for $34 and features both micro-fleece and Thinsulate to keep your hands warm even when it's cold enough to make their special magic happen.
CrazyDog T-Shirts offers a whole bunch of "flip tees" — some more stupid than others, but all pretty damn stupid (in a charming way) — that take those you interact with on a two-part journey to hilarity. The front of the shirt features a phrase usually starting with "Ask me..." — in the cases above, "about Hillary," "about the trap," and "why I'm honest" — and on the inside of the shirt is a corresponding face that covers yours when you pull it over your head.
At $19 each, they're truly the perfect gift for your friend who loves dumb humor and flashing people who follow directions. (In other words, the perfect thing to buy yourself.)
I know you're wondering, What should I wear with my new "Ask Me About My Velociraptor" tee? This metallic garment, of course!
At first glance, from the front, it appears to be an uncomfortably short, albeit super-cute, skirt. But SURPRISE! Your crotch is, in fact, mostly covered! And DOUBLE SURPRISE! Madewell is bringing back the skort! These gold linen party pants will set you back $75 and are available in size 000 to 16.
If that skort isn't luminous enough, how about this hoodie? During the day, it's all, "I'm a normal hoodie. Move it along. Nothing to see here." But at night, thanks to two AA batteries and an electroluminescent wire, the trim lights up! You can even make it blink!
At first, I thought this was for safety, but then I saw that you can purchase a "Sound Responsive Battery Pack Upgrade," which makes the trim blink to the beat of whatever music you're listening to, which I'm guessing is whatever they're playing at the rave you're attending, because Electric Styles also sells light-up fur tails.
If you have a little more money to spend on surprise-y clothing but are reserving it for mind-blowing genius, look no further: a Parisian brand called Tanya Heath makes an entire line of shoes and boots with interchangeable heels. WHAT?! And they're cute as hell!
They have a humongous variety of heel shapes and colors to go with their many shoe styles, and they're beautifully made. However, unsurprisingly, they are really freakin' expensive. The booties above go for about $470, the different heel options cost around $45, and shipping to the US is another $27-ish.
But hey, if you can afford them, I say splurge on this brilliance.
I've saved the garment with the most practical and copious surprises for last: the Sterling Jacket by SCOTTeVEST.
It may seem like a sporty spring jacket, but it's ever so much more. In fact, it's also a sporty spring vest, because the sleeves are removable! But that's not even the main selling-point surprise.
This jacket has 23 pockets! TWENTY-THREE. And they're built for specific things you might feel the urge to squeeze into a jacket, such as a water bottle, keys, and even an iPad or Kindle. There's also something called an RFID-blocking pocket, which magically keeps hackers from messing with any gadgets you have on you, and there's a way to link your earbuds or a battery pack to your smartphone all while keeping the wires hidden.
Basically, if you're Lady MacGyver, this is the jacket for you. Actually, wait. Their Annie Jacket might be the one for you — it has thirty-freaking-five pockets, one of which is made for you to rapidly access your concealed gun. Then you can pull it out be like, "Surprise, motherfucker!"