Hate Letter to Tights: How I’ve Dealt with My Least Favorite Accessory

From runs to sagging crotches to itchy fabric, pantyhose are the worst!
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Publish date:
November 20, 2014
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Dear Tights,

To be honest, I’ve never written anything like this. But I just can’t hold it back any longer as it’s gotten too cold to fake it anymore -- I can’t get by going bared-legged to work in 20-degree weather by slipping on a heavy overcoat. Out of all my winter accessories — gloves, hats, scarves — you’ve disappointed me the most.

Our relationship started to go sour four years ago when I found myself in a much colder city, New York, than where I grew up, Atlanta. I began to realize you are actually very flaky and unreliable the more I depended on you with each sub-zero day. Whether it was that you had a waistline that annoyingly slid down my hips so that your crotch ever so slowly came down four inches below my own, your incessant runs, or your inability to not get punctured by my toes, it was always something with you. I tried to make it work, pulling you up, attempting to stem tears with nail polish, and sewing up holes at my feet.

And then if I went with bigger sizes, you were long and comfy enough but bunched up at my knees, giving my legs a distracting bulk. And then at the other end of the spectrum, you sometimes were so tight that you practically left a red line on my organs (well, not really, mostly just around my waist). Sometimes you had this tacky sheen that I only noticed upon slipping you on after buying, and other times your patterns were ugly once I took you out of the packaging. Let’s not forget how itchy you can be too.

If I got around from one place to another in car and didn’t have to be bothered with the subway, I’d ditch you altogether. But that’s not realistic. I still need you in my life. So instead of just revising my whole wardrobe (why should my dresses have to suffer because you haven’t been able to do the job?), I’ve found a few brands that have made it work.

Gap

Herringbone tights, $15

Spanx

Tight End Foot Pillow tights, $32

American Apparel

Sheer Luxe Pantyhose, $20

Topshop

Topshop Denier opaque tights, $18