Most of the apps I use are either (a) useless fun or (b) reminders to do important stuff like eat healthier food, buy tampons or spend less money on brunch. I downloaded all of my apps for free. The only time I've ever spent money on one was to put my grandmother’s head on elves dancing to hip hop at Christmastime (totally worth it!). Right now, the apps I use most are QuizUp and Wikipedia. Have you ever gone down a Wiki rabbit hole where you search for one thing and end up clicking every link until you’re ten pages away from your original search? That’s my entire existence.
As I mentioned over at xoVain, a lot of the beauty apps out there leave much to be desired, and the same could be said for fashion apps. So, I came up with four dream apps that I wish SOMEONE would invent. It sure isn't going to be me. I mean, I can barely get my internet to work sometimes. Here's what I came up with:
As I mentioned in my list of fantasy beauty apps, I’d love an app that works kind of like Google Goggles. I would be able to point my phone at an item of clothing that I love, be it on a friend, frenemy or street style starlet, and find out immediately where to get it. There would also be a “BUY NOW” option to shop the item directly through the app. No need to work up the nerve to ask a total stranger, "Um, where did you get that?"
Most of my mornings look like this: wake up to my alarm, snooze said alarm, wake up to the same annoying alarm, check my notifications in bed, check the weather and decide what to wear. At this point, I am almost always frustrated because after all these years of being alive, I still don’t know what kind of shoes I need to be wearing when it’s 24-degrees outside. Often times, I will send a desperate message to someone I know, asking them what the weather calls for, “Jeans, a t-shirt and pumps or a dress and pumps or a dress and sandals?” All this time and energy would be better spent making myself breakfast instead of eating dry crackers for lack of time. I need an app that not only tells me the weather, but also what to wear for the weather. It picture it greeting me in the morning with, “Good morning, bestie. Today it is 24-degrees outside but, since it might drizzle a bit, I’d suggest wearing jeans, a t-shirt and pumps. If you can, wear your hair up. Also, you’re the best.”
Sometimes, when I feel like I’m stuck in a fashion rut, I want to experiment with new things, but there’s only so much perspective that tilting my head in front of a full-length mirror can give me. I need to know if what I’m doing works, or if I look idiotic. Similarly, I need to know if these jeans do, in fact, make my butt look big. Instead of asking my poor boyfriend all these pressing questions, or sending blurry selfies to my entire phone book for advice, Hell No is an app that scans your outfit and tells you if it’s working. Maybe there will even be a little voice that says "HELL NO!" and then a circle with a red line through it appears over your picture. If the app agrees with your choices, you hear a loud "HELL YES!" and get a star. Maybe your favourite song plays, maybe the app even names a street after you. The world is full of possibilities.
As the name suggests, this app assesses your wardrobe for you. Using a very complicated system that I, um, don’t have time to explain right now, the app makes a database of all your existing clothing. Then, depending on your needs and wants, it can tell you what sort of items you’re missing or what you need to restock in your wardrobe. It would make shopping and budgeting a lot easier. Maybe if I had this app, I wouldn’t have bought that stupid floral hoodie that one time. I never wear hoodies. What was I even thinking, that florals would somehow make it more “me”? No. Wardrobe Assess would save me from myself. Wardrobe Assess knows the real me.
Would you pay for any of these apps? What would you like to see in your app store? Do you want to challenge me on QuizUp?