A "WORST HEALTH DIRECTOR EVER" SPECIAL REPORT: Those Dirty Fish Nibbling Your Feet Are Totally Going To Give You AIDS and Hep C

Yeah, yeah; I'm back. Brace yourselves.

Oct 18, 2011 at 12:00pm | Leave a comment

image

[Cat, Stop calling yourself the Health Director. You are the Health Critic, if anything. You are getting me in trouble. xo ]

YO. So I'm back. I'm skipping over my thoughts on the big story from last week for just this one post, then I promise I'll get to it. I've been reading the comments and things.

In the meantime: At least I've never encouraged anybody to get one of those vile fish pedicures. So that's something! Like, remember when the fad exploded in 2008 and all the latest “pampering trend for your tootsies” articles were full of terrifying little anecdotes like this?! :

The communal pool also presented its own problem: At times the fish would flock to the feet of an individual with a surplus of dead skin, leaving others with a dearth of fish.

"It would sometimes be embarrassing for them but it was also really hilarious," Ho said. (USA Today, “Fish Pedicures Make A Splash”)

Fucking nightmare! I was never convinced.

Now the Sun, a cousin of my favorite paper the New York Post, is all, “FISH PEDICURES CAN GIVE YOU HEPATITIS C AND AIDS” in this article. I guess that means Angelina Jolie is actually now the worst mom in the world and Jane is only the second worst (even though she has, amongst other things, a Scientology sauna installed in Charlotte’s bedroom). My own mom is third because this morning she told me to write a story called “Insulin Pumps Are Sexy!” And the fourth worst mom in the world is the mother of this man, who let an eel he was taking a bath with swim up inside his dick.

Anyway, the moral of this story is … well, there is no moral. What’s new.

Would you rather get a really dirty fish pedicure for 30 minutes or drink from a Sea Monkeys habitat for 10 seconds? Discuss.