When I woke up one morning a couple weeks ago, I felt something: My pop senses were tingling. I lay there on the hood of my Lamborghini, shifty eyed, thinking to myself, “Has Beyonce finally given us an official single? No, it couldn’t be. Has Azealia started another feud?” No. And then I remembered. Miley’s new single had just been released.
I whipped out my phone and immediately pulled up the song, trembling with anticipation. As the song started, Miley cooed into my ear, the seductive and always promising “Mike WiLL Made It” name drop announced itself, and immediately, I was writhing. My long awaited summer anthem had arrived!
And now, so has the video.
Boy, is it something. Initially, it struck me as a “We Found Love” meets “Just Dance” kind of piece, but it’s so much more than that. I mean, the guy covered in slices white bread, the girl pretending to cut off her fingers and spraying pink slime everywhere, the endless twerking. (I know, I know, but this isn’t an article about appropriation. This is an article about lipstick.) Miley, what are you trying to tell us? What does it all MEAN?
Here I am serving my best Miley inspired, white-on-black, We Can't Stop LOOK.
With as many talking points as the video gives us, we can’t overlook beauty. Miley brought her A Game and I’m here to show you the easiest ways to steal it. Because, you know, we can’t stop, either.
Let’s start with the nails
Look at those! Don’t hurt ‘em, Miley! At first I thought that they were metal press-ons that celebrities wear during photo shoots and videos, but upon closer inspection, they look like acrylics with gold magnetic polish over them, or some other sort of bomb nail art. They’re definitely not her natural nails because she never wears them that long. Regardless, that mani cost more than my rent.
I was first going to suggest a gold leafed manicure, but who has time for that? And if you do, good for you, but find that shit on Pintrest. You know I’m not a DIY-er so I’ve got something even better.
Maybelline is doing a line of chrome and gold nail stickers called “THE CHIC MIRROR COLLECTION.”
They’re sick. A mirrored nail is usually really hard to achieve, the closest I’ve gotten is with “Graphite” by Chanel. But no longer! Maybelline rolled out this exclusive line of silver and gold, shiny, gleamy nail stickers, so you can really ice out your nails. They have a very Great Gatsby-esque pattern (did you hear that? That’s F. Scott Fitzgerald rolling in his grave) called “AZTEC GOLD,” a totally mirrored silver called “PLATINUM STANDARD,” and the one I copped, a white and distressed gold called “GOLDEN DISTRESS.”
I think this is the most “We Can’t Stop” pattern since the video is so heavy on the colors white and gold. It’s perfect. The whole collection is awesome.
Next. The hair.
Remember when I first started writing for xoJane and I had platinum blonde hair with dark sides?
Well, Miley went and stole that from me and it’s time for me to take it back.
So lately I’ve gone through some dramatic life changes. For instance, I’m wearing my hair up now! When I do this, I like it to look very chaotic and “un-styled,” if you will. (Though don’t let me try to fool you, everything about me is excruciatingly, exhaustingly styled.) To get Miley’s careless, brushed back look, I towel try my hair and then hit it with Bumble & Bumble Prep.
This spray helps other hair products take to your hair better. It gives it a little more body that is great to use as a base for whatever else you're going to put on top of it. It’s impossible to use too much because it dries with no sticky feeling or residue, which is good because it is rich in nutrients so it’s good for your hair. I work BB Prep through my hair and then start to blow dry.
When my hair is about half dry, I kill the blowdryer and then spray my hair with Bumble & Bumble Thickening Spray.
BB Thickening Spray was sort of the precursor to sea salt spray. It gives you big body and texture, but without the sometimes gritty feeling of the beach sprays. This spray can also be styled on top of, if necessary. I spray through just as I did with the Prep, then whip my hair (back and forth) upside down and finish blowdrying.
When I’m done, my hair is standing straight up, but it’s not hard or stiff, so it can still be styled. I run my hands through and push it back just a little bit, pull some pieces apart to make it look like I didn’t just meticulously style my hair, and I’m good to go. I also use just a little bit of hard pomade if I need to shape the sides or prevent ~flyaways~.
These products are great for prepping hair of any length, but are especially good for styling short hair. Oh, and be warned. Both of these sprays smell like Jager Bombs, so if you went out last night, it may cause flashbacks, room spins, or drunk texting.
Product placement in music videos is almost pointless these days because it’s so frequent and overbearing that we are almost desensitized to all of it. The newest pair of expensive headphones, the cutting edge smartphone that you can’t get yet, that popstar’s newest fragrance, and Miracle Whip. We see it all in videos. That’s why it takes a special sort of product to cut through all the noise and clutter.
LIKE LIP BALM!
Yea, I don’t know either. I’ll let her have it though, because Eos does slay. They’re so cute! They come in those little pastel, golf ball size containers that double as applicators, they have those chic-ass flavors like MELON and SWEET MINT! They‘re like the socialites of the drugstore lip balm gang. Try to hate it, I dare you.
Are you exhausted yet? Good, neither am I. How about Rimmel Moisture Renew Lipstick!
I know that we’re all about a matte lip right now, and that’s cool, but we gotta show some love to a little bit of shine once in a while. One of the first things I noticed about her look when I first saw the video was that she was rocking a semigloss red lip! I like to see a girl changing it up every once in a while.
If you want a great red lipstick with a little bit of shine, try to grab one that’s moisturizing like Rimmel Moisture Renew Lipstick in Red Alert. It’s ultra moisturizing formula provides a nice sheen and hours of wear, while the spf 20 and vitamins A, C, and E ensure that your lips are healthy and protected. Plus, it’s a drugstore brand, you don’t have to drop a ton of cash to have bomb, Miley-approved lips.
How do we feel about Miley's new video? What about the beauty looks? THOSE are on point, no? What are your favorite videos of all time? Mine are "Scream" by Michael Jackson and Janet and "I'm A Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears. Tell me yours in the comments!
Tynan can't stop on Twitter: @TynanBuck.