It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I don’t consider myself the biggest fan of TV. Living in L.A. has garnered an interest in the technical aspects of putting together a show, and the art of storytelling through a TV series. But still, when people tell me they recorded something on DVR, I'm like, "What is this thing you speak of?"
This month, though, a few shows premiered that I dig so very much that I decided to create looks dedicated to each of them.
Here they are:
Also known as: My favorite show in the whole entire world.
If you haven't yet seen this work of art that runs on Comedy Central, do yourself a favor and watch it NOW.
Created by UCB alums Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer, the basic premise of Broad City is two best friends in their 20s who are broke and living in New York City.
SO ORIGINAL, RIGHT? Naturally I had low expectations for the show. But after watching the first episode last year — cackling like a stoned seventh grader the whole entire time — I was hooked.
The characters are unapologetic. The plot lines are simultaneously simple and completely absurd.
And that dude, Lincoln? He may only speak a monotone, but he manages to be the shining beacon of light in the whole entire show.
Broad City just kicked off its second season (which you can watch here). My look is dedicated to Ilana's out-there attire while she runs around New York with Abbi on a stupid-hot day, attempting to steal an air conditioner from a college kid.
Some essentials: Dark lipstick that really makes no sense in the summer (I used Rimmel London's Kate Moss Lipstick in #04), some Smoky Extravagant Mascara by Make Up Forever that won't smudge when you're sweating your ass off in NYC's disgusting summer heat, and an Epipen — since Ilana insists on eating shellfish, even though she's deathly allergic to it.
"Girls" also premiered this week with a butt-eating scene that got lots of people riled up, 'cause you know: Controversy.
I often question why I keep watching the show: The characters are all selfish and it seems unclear where the plot is taking its audience (Iowa?). Alas, I'm a fan of Lena Dunham, I tore through her book, and I'm interested to see where Girls is going.
Here, the look is simple: Minimal makeup, awkward-fitting clothes with a vintage pattern, and a hairstyle that says, "I'm not ready to grow up — yet." (Hence, the show's title.)
Did anyone else catch all of the barrettes in the fourth season's first episode?
I put a bit of Benefit's Posietint on my cheeks and lips to enhance that youthful, I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-with-my-life glow.
While creating this easy look, I thought about calling my dad to ask him for money so I can work on my book like Hannah does.
But ultimately, I thought, I should be a responsible adult human and get some work done instead.
(Hence, this article.)
"It's so funny," my roommate says. "You're such a strong feminist and you watch The Bachelor."
Uh... 1) I can be a feminist and do whatever the F I want, thank you. 2) I watch The Bachelor for the same reason I watch murder porn: I'm completely obsessed with everything sick and weird.
In its billionth season, I started watching The Bachelor only when my loftmate and I got super high, ran out of things to watch on Netflix, and decided to put on an episode of it, erm, ironically.
"Play the next one," we said in unison after the show ended.
Now it's become a strange joke I even got my girlfriend, who's in a metal band, in on. She and that aforementioned loftmate actually started filling out an application for me to be a contestant, because they are assholes.
And they know I'm dramatic, will fall in love with anyone, and really, really want an excuse to wear all of the gowns.
I did hear it's the raddest reality TV show to be on! You get to sit around a pool in a huge house in L.A. all day, get wasted, and travel around the world.
Let's set aside the fact that 30 women are attempting to date one man (dubbed in this season as "Prince Farming" — since, you know, he works at a farm in Iowa and is super nice or whatever).
And let's instead agree that such a setup must be so much better than that of "Bad Girls Club." Or perhaps of living life as a normal person who's not on TV.
To be smoking-hot enough to compete with 30 other women for one man's love — and to also appear sexy-hot on TV so I can get way famous and make money doing club promotions after I get kicked off — I started with bronzer.
I love Urban Decay's Naked Flushed palette, since it's a 3-in-1 with bronzer, highlighter, and blush. After all, I'll need plenty of room in my suitcase for all of my gowns whilst I travel the world with Prince Farming.
I then upped my seduction-level and camera-worthiness with a dramatic smoky eye using Urban Decay's Vice3 eyeshadow palette.
I started with the loose-bristle brush to put on the base, Brokedown (#1), applied Bondage (#2) with a flat eyeshadow brush, starting with smudging the shadow at the corner of my eye, and then into the crease.
I grabbed the loose shadow brush again (included in this palette), blended it so very much, and swiped Last Sin (#3) beneath my brow bones and into the corner of my eyes. Then I blended it all some more, put on some eyeliner, and swiped on two coats of mascara.
I would've put on fake lashes, TRUST ME, but I didn't have any on hand.
(However, if I were on the show, I would have many.)
Perfect, tight princess curls are ESSENTIAL as an eligible bachelorette, so I sprayed my hair with Elnett Satin Extra Strong-Hold Hairspray and used the one-inch curling iron I haven't touched in a year to style my otherwise ratnest head of hair.
Last came the lips: You think you're wearing enough lipgloss to look smokin' and kissable on TV? WRONG. You always need more.
I put on some of Benefit's Girl Meets Pearl ($30, benefitcosmetics.com) luminizer in my clavicle and on my collarbones, 'cause lady has to look her best when she gets kicked off America's most hated/beloved show during the Rose Ceremony.
Oh TV, how you torture me! Especially when I consider I'll never be eligible as a contestant on The Bachelor.
What shows are you most excited about this month? Workaholics, anyone? Do you know how to DVR things?
Follow me on Twitter: @caitlinthornton