This Week In Felicity Moments: Help! I Chopped Off All My Hair

I cut off all of my hair in a moment of pure, Felicity-esque insanity.

Jul 9, 2013 at 3:30pm | Leave a comment

Hello my sweet babes, who probably all have long, luscious hair that they are twirling with delight and giggly whimsy at this very moment.
 
Tired as the joke may be, I cut off all of my hair in a moment of pure, Felicity-esque insanity. In a moment where I was blinded by Carrie Mulligan’s stupid (it’s not stupid) Gatsby bob. In a moment where all I could think about was the fact that it’s so FUCKING hot in New York City that my multicolored, Grimes-inspired locks kept getting wedged into my sweaty armpits. My hair didn’t ask for that kind of cruel, B.O-fueled torture. The people on the subway didn’t ask to see that sort of indignity. Although, it kind of looked like I had blue pit hair, which was kind of sweet in retrospect.
 
All of those reasons aside, I was getting sick of all that In the Zone and Manic Panic upkeep. Ladies who have funky hair colors, are you with me on this? It literally took me an extra hour to wash my hair because I had to infuse some sort of dye and conditioner concoction into my hair. It got so annoying! Not to mention, I felt like I was putting extra strain on my delicate, tumbleweed hair. Moroccan oil can only go so far, you know?
 
So I chopped off that swampy, blue-gray ombre. My chirpy hairstylist friend asked to keep it, too, which I was somewhat flattered by. Is that weird? Should I have felt weird about it? All I asked in return for the seven inches of warped, blue hair was that she send me a Snapchat of anything she does with it. Let’s hope it’s art.
 
It’s definitely going to be art, right? All of us pseudo Gen-X kids with Tumblrs make hair art.
 
I should get to the pictures now.
 
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I have such a high threshold for adrenaline. Do you think my hands were shaky and sweaty? No! Steady as knobby, little rocks.

 
Homegirl stylist, as I will refer to her henceforth, tied my hair into a low pony and hacked the whole thing off in one go. Hah! I live for this shit!
 
 Here’s the final product.
 
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It’s a little bit too Power Bob. Since my hair is so thick, and we didn’t opt to shave anything off, it ended up looking like a weird cross between Agent Scully and Margaret Thatcher hair. But, like, is that a bad thing?
 
I kind of like that not many people have a full-blown bob anymore. I feel like, instead, most people opt for ultra-short pixie or the “edgy” Miley Cyrus.
 
I feel older-looking with my new hair. I also feel like my hair kind of looks like a bowl cut that grew out. I feel a lot of things.
 
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But mostly, and most gag-worthy, I feel like I have a Fresh Start. That twirly girly NEW CITY, NEW HAIR, ROMCOM STATUS sort of fresh start. 
 
And it makes me feel good! And that’s important! Doing things just because they feel good is highly underrated.
 
Plus, for me, changing my hair is a way for me to exert visible power and control over something. It’s not the healthiest of sentiments, but it’s there and it’s hair, not drugs or the other slew of things that compulsive ladies and gentlemen go to.
 
Anyway, I’ve had to find products that help tame my frizz and waves. Because a frizzy bob is not the cutest thing in the world, believe it or not.
 
PRODUCTS:
 
Dove Style+Care: Frizz-Free Shine Serum
 
 
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I’m kind of a sucker for Dove. It’s my go-to shampoo and conditioner when I take breaks from my Clairol Shimmer Lights purple goo. It’s hydrating and cheap, and so is their hair serum. Spray that puppy on your hair and feel the moisture weight down the frizz!
 
 
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When I Googled Sally, I saw “hairstylist for the stars” so I knew I was on to something good. This stuff smells like candy and it makes your hair feel instantly soft. Spray it on after a shower for that daily moisture game. I also cheat a little bit and I use this as heat protectant when I flatiron my hair. I’m not sure how PC that is in the hair community, but sometimes I run out of Kerastase heat protectant spray, OK! Which incidentally, though hellishly pricy, works wonders.
 
 
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All of these products have kept me feeling fly about my bob. Do you all have any suggestions?
 
 Also, you should probably talk me out of getting this other haircut.