SO YOU DRUNKENLY RUINED YOUR HAIRCUT: The Perfect Product To Disguise Outgrown Roots, Thinning Hair, And Your Drinking Problem.
You guys, I made a mistake. But luckily, there’s a beauty product to save my ass, once again. What did I do this time? Oh, just drunkenly shaved both sides of my head. The usual.
OK, let me explain. Last Friday afternoon I was sitting on my bed, playing my guitar, minding my own business. My phone buzzed to life with a text from my frat son, Mark. Unexpected texts from your frat brothers are never, ever a good sign.
Mark: Guess who’s in town…
Me: Stop it right now.
Mark: Come drink beer.
And that was that, my night was planned.
Cut to me stumbling into my apartment at three in the morning. I decided I’d save myself a little time the next morning and trim my beard (“beard”) before I went to bed since I was a little scruffier than usual.
WELL. I got a little distracted as I was dancing around my bathroom trimming my face, and my beard trimmer went from zero to sixty up my sideburn and did a burnout on the side of my head.
Staring my reflection, I saw that there was a large, rectangular bald spot on the left side of my enormous head. Awesome. So what does one do? It couldn’t have gotten any worse, right? So, I decided to even it out
You can see where this is going.
The sides of my head are now very, very short. It doesn’t look bad, per se, but it sure doesn’t look GOOD. I basically can pass myself off as a hipster that cuts his own hair for the time being.
This is the left side, which actually looks kind of decent, seeing as I gave myself a fresh fade using a beard trimmer after 80 shots of Jameson.
THIS is the right side.
But what if I don’t want to rock a butchered haircut? What if I have to appear like I have my shit together? What if I need to camouflage the white walls on the sides of my head? I’m screwed!
Wrong! This is 2013, we’re never screwed.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO Bumble & Bumble Hair Powder!
My hairstylist introduced me to Bumble & Bumble Hair Powder a couple months ago in casual conversation, knowing somewhere in the back of his head that some disaster would befall me, making this a necessary purchase. After all, who knows you better than your hairstylist?
I’m an intensely private person (no really), but trust me when I say that my hair guy has ALL the tea. He’s seen me at my best. He’s seen me at my worst. He’s seen me passed out on his bathroom floor after someone slipped me a roofie one night. Few people know me like my hairstylist. Hi, Mitch!
This sprayable, colored hair powder comes in blonde, brown, red, black and silver.
For some of you, this is going to be your new secret weapon. Why?
For one, it disguises outgrown roots on color-treated hair. If you color your hair, you know that no matter how you style it, your roots will always come creeping out just a little too soon before your next appointment. And no one is more aware of your roots than, well, you, right? Well, spray this hair powder down your part, shake it through a little bit, and quit worrying your pretty little head.
THINNING HAIR AND FEMALE PATTERN BALDNESS. Sorry, I know. No one wants to talk about it, I understand. But it happens, right? I would rather lose all of my teeth tomorrow than lose my hair. If I lost my teeth, I could at least replace them with gold teeth or a full grill, which is way more glam than getting hair plugs.
When Mitch first told me about this, he said that he showed it to a client that has thinning hair, and she bought three bottles of it from him on the spot! Lifesaver, am I right?
And take it from me, a guy who is essentially bald on both sides of his head right now, it really does cover AND look natural. When I sprayed in on both sides of my chilly, hairless head, it fell on top of and beneath what little hair that is still there, and in just seconds, you couldn’t tell that I had botched my haircut.
You've seen the "before," here is the after:
Those were taken on the same day, LEST YOU DOUBT ME. You would never.
Last, you can use it as a dry shampoo! If you have oily hair and find that your hair needs a little help looking fresh by the end of the day, then just grab a bottle, spray through your hair, fluff it around to ensure that it is evenly distributed throughout, and bam, you’re fresh and ready for an evening out.
This hair powder is another one of those products where technology meets beauty to give us a product that could be invaluable to many people. Covering roots, camouflaging thinning hair, and most important, boosting confidence!
SO, is this a product that you’d use? How often do you have to get your roots touched up? Do you have thinning hair? It’s okay, you can tell me.
Tynan is kind of hairless right now on Twitter: @TynanBuck.