We Sniffed Out Our Horoscopes with Fresh's Zodiac Soaps

Because Jupiter is in your 6th house of dirty and it’s time to get it together.
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Publish date:
September 3, 2015
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fresh, soap, bar soap, astrology

Not everyone believes in astrology, but not everyone writes it off completely. I never gave it too much thought myself until my friend Natalie introduced me to Susan Miller’s monthly forecasts. They are detailed and, in my case, have been frighteningly accurate on many occasions, so I have become a dedicated reader!

This year, Ms. Miller and Fresh collaborated on special Zodiac Soaps for each sign, and what better way to test them than to get our gorgeous xoVain contributors to review their own signs' matching soap, as well as the accuracy Miller's August horoscopes.

Aries: Marci

It's ironic that we're starting off with me reviewing the Aries soap because 1) I don't believe in astrology and 2) I recently learned from Aurora Tower (the Cosmo astrologer, not the skyscraper in Australia) that both my moon and rising signs are Libra, so that pretty much cancels out any Aries-ness if I were to buy into horoscopes.

Literally nothing about Susan Miller's August predictions for Aries applied to my life; like, maybe her claim that I would attend a big event where I would be "rubbing shoulders with masses of friendly people, some of whom you know and others you will want to know better," because I went to opening night of CymbelinePublic Theater's Shakespeare in the Park—and got to hang out and drink with hundreds of people at the after party in Central Park, and yes, I would like to know fellow party guest Mariska Hargitay better, thank you, but I was too scared to talk to her. But even so! That was August 10, and this big event was supposed to happen to Aries in the first couple days of the month, so BAH, HUMBUG!

The soap, though! My goodness, it smells amazing—all citrusy and mangosteen-y and whatnot. And since I'm a sucker for orange-red anything, I'm probably just going to keep it wrapped up so I can look at it whenever I need a visual pick-me-up. Besides, it breaks my heart when bar soap starts melting away.

Taurus: Tamara

As far as the soap goes, I was really pleased with the scent. Mostly citrus, but with a hint of something sweet. I'm typically not a huge bar-soap fan because I find them drying, but this one was actually really good!

I am not a horoscope reader, so I wasn't surprised to find that mine was completely inaccurate. According to mine, I should have had a lot of success on the job and home front. Too bad both remained pleasantly stagnant. I also should have discovered True Love...*side eye*... Maybe with the new African food joint I discovered, but not so much in the actual human being department.

Gemini: Rachel

I worship at the altar of Susan Miller! My August horoscope, in retrospect, was crazy accurate. She predicted I'd start the month off by spending a lot of money, and ummm, I bought a car. So yeah, that was a good bit of money. Susan said August would be a month of traveling and visiting friends, and indeed, this month I've gotten to visit friends all over, from Destin, Florida, to Memphis, Tennessee. Susan predicted a month of productivity and financial success and, overall, August was on point! I dealt with some personal issues and setbacks, but never felt despondent or overwhelmed.

Let's talk about this Gemini soap real quick, though! The blue paper it came in was the perfect, pretty Tiffany blue and I did NOT want to unwrap it, but the delicious, verbena scent called to me. The soap's fragrance is fresh and exciting but still soft. It left my skin feeling clean and moisturized. It actually seems a bit too simple to accurately represent Geminis, who are the well known Hot Messes of the Zodiac, am I right?

Cancer: Christine

All I kept thinking while reading my August horoscope was “Where is this influx of money that I was promised this year?!” Because I need it!

I personally don’t believe in horoscopes or that the stars determine the outcome of my life. This is mostly because I shared the same birthday with a girl in my class for 12 years and you can't tell me that we lead the same lives.

The soap's packaging is pretty—mine was wrapped in mint-green paper. It’s very fresh and lightly scented, so it won't irritate sensitive skin. I would have liked for the soap to lather up better; it took a while but I still left my shower feeling refreshed afterwards.

Leo: Kelly

My August forecast may or may not be accurate. I have a terrible memory, so I don’t remember if any of it came true in the beginning of August. Apparently August 26th was lucky for everyone. It’s definitely a lucky day for me either way because it’s the one-year anniversary of adopting my dog, Doug.

As for the soap itself, I’ll never be able to use it. It smells so good and the packaging is so pretty, I think I’ll just keep it in my lingerie drawer forever and take it out every once in a while for a good sniff.

Virgo: Lauren

As a Virgo, I supposedly have my skeptical spectacles tattooed permanently to my face. I like telling self-described astrologers that I've been newly introduced to that I'm a Libraquarius, just to see if they can accurately guess my sign. They're often able to, as this is evidently a really Virgo-ass thing to do.

I liked that the citrus scent of the Virgo soap was strong enough to enjoy while using, but not so strong that it lingered. I can't try to be too cute and fancy-smelling because Venus is in retrograde, which I guess means that my every attempt at beauty will end in tragedy. There's kind of unfortunate credence to this, because I noticed that I started developing a few pimples after the third consecutive day of using the soap to wash my face. Who knew that Venus would make even something so simple as soap my enemy! What has my sign ever done to you, Venus?

I mean, aside from being too analytical to believe in horoscopes. #VirgoMicDrop

Libra: Maricar

I’m actually a Scorpio sun, but I was born on the Libra-Scorpio cusp, and I have some Libra placements here and there. My August horoscope said that I’m going to socialize more, travel and eliminate relationship or obligation in my life. I have been hanging out with friends more often, I have been recently invited to travel, and I have been having doubts about one of my friendships. Since I’m part Libra though, I’m pretty indecisive about how I should handle that last thing.

This Fresh soap, which is Verbena-scented, was a delight to use. It was very creamy and non-drying, and even though I’m clumsy, I didn’t have problems with this giant light green soap slipping out of my hands in the shower.

Scorpio: Courtney (xoJane interloper!)

My July horoscope low-key freaked me out. I’m admittedly pretty ignorant towards astrology—like, I don’t really care for zodiac signs other than my own or the guys I’m dating, and I don’t understand rising moons or whatever. HOWEVER, this Susan Miller woman predicted long-distance travel in my future (I WENT TO EUROPE FOR TWO WEEKS), warned me not to take any new steps in a relationship (I HAD TWO BREAKUPS), and noted that I would feel motivated to address home-related matters (I BOUGHT SOME CANDLES). So scary!

Anyway, this soap smelled so sexy and clean and delicious, and was subtle enough to layer with scented lotion. My skin also felt as soft as a baby porpoise's.

Sagittarius: Wendy

I’m gonna be pretty straight forward with you: I’m not so into horoscopes. Should I find myself thumbing through a magazine or newspaper and land on mine, I’ll go ahead and read, but my daily/weekly/monthly forecast isn’t something I typically seek out.

Disclaimer aside, I was still into this whole thing and figured there was no harm in playing along, especially if it involved yummy soap from Fresh. I waited to read my August horoscope until the end of the month, after everything Susan Miller wrote about would have supposedly happened. As a skeptic, I’ll acknowledge that it’s easy to read into things, but I do admit that she was right on the money in several cases.

August was a bit of a hectic month for me, as Susan predicted, but that chaos fueled me and led to positive things. I made progress in my career, and had a steamy vacation to Vegas with my handsome beau that, again as Susan predicted, was as romantic of a trip as it was a creative-related business one.

The biggest forecast to come true was an invitation I’d receive at the beginning of the month from a friend that’d have me ready to travel. Definitely bought tickets back to Indiana for that friend’s wedding, held at our alma mater, and I’m so excited to visit!

Capricorn: Zoe

As a typical water goat, I’ve fallen for the earth-green packaging tied off with a quartz stone and the caramel and citrus scent of sugar, which is sweet and refreshing.

But as far as my horoscope goes, for the month of August, Susan Miller promises money coming my way from every corner of my life. Even asserting, “It’s as if a whole bushel full of large $100 bills will fly in your window and stick to your skin, all over, like glue.” The only thing that flew into my life was an astronomical cell phone bill. But at least the soap is helping to ease the pain and wash away my tears. You've done it again, Susan Miller!

Aquarius: Kat

My horoscope promised a “gorgeous,” opportunity-filled August that will be my “favorite month of all of 2015!”

This was not the case.

While there were a couple bright spots around the 1st, the rest of the month has been non-stop frustration. I’ve actually declared “I hate August” on more than one occasion.

So it seems fitting that my Aquarius soap arrived all banged up. It’s the kind of small annoyance that’s dogged me all month. Oh well. The soap is still nice—a generously sized bar that didn't dry my hands. The verbena scent is a bit lighter and more powdery than expected.

Pisces: MEEEEEEEE!

Astrology doesn't govern my life, but I try to peep Susan on the monthly for some insight. I love seeing her rise in popularity, because she has saved my butt many times and deserves to be the queen of astrology, in my opinion. This soap collab is both awesome for longtime fans but also a great way for more people to connect with this awesome resource.

I walk a fine line between believing in science and spirit. I don't think it's much stranger than what most people in the world consider a religion. Susan suggested that my August was one of romance and relationship strengthening while learning to balance work with life and love. It's all very pertinent to my current situation, as my love and I set forth on an apartment search for just us two, and start to plan our future a little bit more specifically.

The soap I initially was not into—until I used it. It made a rich creamy lather and the waterlily scent was much gentler than when you sniff the soap head on. It smelled so good under monoi oil that I gave it a permanent home in my shower.

  • Are you an astrology devotee?
  • What's your sign?
  • Would you use the soap for your sign?

Main photo: Maria Penaloza