I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
Recently, I’ve decided to start working actively towards
bettering my own life in small ways. I think the motivation arrived one
afternoon when Katy Perry came hollering through my headphones during my daily
hour of hiding under my desk.
(For the record, I’ve yet to listen to “Roar” without crying.
Katy’s my girl, y’all. And that “Unconditionally” video is gorgeous. Get it,
I’m a pretty healthy human. I drink a lot of water, I eat
tons of vegetables, I ride my bike to the farmers market, but I rarely buy
anything because a forged sense of self-righteousness is the ultimate appetite
suppressant. But in the spirit of taking my health and self more
seriously, I started going back to yoga, went on a juice cleanse and cut
caffeine out of my life.
Yoga is awesome, and I don’t remember why I stopped. Juice
cleanses are total BS, but more on that another time. Cutting caffeine out nearly
I mean, not biologically. I was still functioning without
caffeine, but I seriously didn’t realize how dependent I am on coffee and Diet
Coke for the level of alertness required to keep me alive in everyday
situations, like driving a car. I do feel better now, though. It’s cool to feel
my body create its own energy. I also started taking a multivitamin, so that’s
probably helping too.
It is super-cold out, though. It got down to 30 degrees
the other day! I live in M-I-SS-I-SS-I-PP-I, so that’s basically tundra
weather as far as I’m concerned. To combat my frozen hands and sluggish heart,
I’ve taken to drinking steamy, hot mugs of (decaf) green tea all the live-long
Green tea is delicious, healthy and inexpensive. According
to THE INTERNET, green tea is an excellent source of antioxidants and will
probably make you live forever. Also, I read it can help prevent liver damage,
which means green tea is pretty much cancelling out my nightly bottle-of-wine
habit. Green tea for everyone!
Except the other day I went and bought a huge box of store-brand green tea (big ups to Kroger) but accidentally bought the kind with
caffeine in it. UGH. I wasn’t about to let my wellness makeover fall by the
wayside, but I also wasn’t about to return this big box of green tea because,
well, the store is like 20 minutes away and I am extremely busy always.
The good news is that green tea is super-versatile. It’s
sort of the Color Tattoo eyeshadow of the tea world. Caffeine, that I can’t
currently consume, is great for your face because it energizes and revives dull
or puffy skin. You know, the way your face gets after spending the past month
sniffling and wiping your nose.
Green tea gives good face! Let me show you how.
Green Tea Steam
The first step is to find a mug that’s about half the size
of your face.
I’ve taken to sipping a huge mug of green tea in the
mornings, and resting my face above it right after I pour it so that the steam
gets all up in my pores. Do this before you put any makeup on, and cleanse your
face after with a splash of cold water.
The steam will open up your pores, and make your face very
happy, and the green tea scent will work to calm down you and your debilitating
Green Tea Toner
I don’t really ever use a toner. Until a few years ago, I
thought toner was always really drying.
But this toner’s more of a refresher. It’s energizing and
fresh! Like toothpaste for your pores. Just a few spritzes will have your weary
skin feeling better in no time.
·2 cups of brewed green tea, cooled
·Some sort of essential oil (optional)
·A clean spray bottle
Brew your green tea and let it cool for a while. Then, water
it down a bit and pour it into the spray bottle. If you’d like, mix it with a
few drops of your favorite essential oil. I chose lavender (sorry, Marci) because
it’s relaxing and fine for all skin types.
If you’re having issues with breakouts, you could go with
tea tree oil. If your skin is oily, try peppermint or rosemary. Or don’t add any
oil at all. Do whatever you want. I don’t care.
I like to keep the spray bottle in the fridge, because the
cool green tea feels very soothing on my skin, which has been irritated lately
from stress and a nonstop barrage of tissues and sweater sleeves. Don’t forget
to label the bottle just in case your curious roommate (slash boyfriend) should
get too curious. It won’t hurt them to consume it, but it’s for your FACE and
not their tummy!
Green Tea Face Mask
For this little ditty, you’ll need:
·2 bags of green tea
Tear open those bags of green tea and mix the leaves with
equal parts baking soda in a small bowl.
Take a teaspoon of this mixture and mix it up with some
honey. Spread the mixture all over your face. If it needs to be diluted, add
any sort of oil or water a little bit at a time and stir it up. Leave the mask
on for 10-15 minutes.
Green tea will soothe your face, calming any irritation
or redness while the honey moisturizes.
Face and Body Green
Tea Sugar Scrub
Brew a cup of green tea, and then let it thoroughly cool.
Combine several tablespoons of sugar with the brewed tea. It’s important the
tea be cool so that all the sugar won’t dissolve.
Let it sit for a minute, and
then stir until it thickens. Add water, honey, or oil to achieve your desired
Use this scrub to exfoliate your arms, legs, face and
whatever. It smells sweet and light, and gives skin a nice glow.
Keep it in the
fridge to keep it as fresh as possible. Don’t forget to label it unless you
live alone like some Richie McRicherson.
Green Tea Eye
This is a classic. I’ve pretty much accepted my under-eye
bags at this point. People have been remarking on them since I was 10-ish.
They’re genetic. All the women in my family have them, and I bear them as a
symbol of our endless strength and even more endless sleepiness.
This green tea trick really does help to reduce puffiness
and darkness under my eyes temporarily. Steep the tea for a few minutes, and
then remove the bags from the water.
Wring out all the water, and place the
bags in the fridge for a bit. Don’t put hot things on your eyes, dudes.
After they’ve cooled down quite a bit, lie down with the
bags over your eyes for 20-30 minutes. Put on some jams and zone out. You
deserve it. Look, I made you a playlist. Now you can be sad and mopey like me while your eyes get beautiful-er.
Berry Green Tea
A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend bought a Vitamix and IMO
it’s his greatest accomplishment yet. Sure, he has a CFA charter and a fancy
degree from some university in England, but Vitamix is so legit! I’m a very
The Vitamix has upped my smoothie game 110%. You might not think smoothies are a beauty thing and you might be
right, but whatever. Everything you put into your body affects the way your
body looks, so consuming great stuff will make you look greater! So a smoothie
full of fruits and green tea is awesome for your skin. And awesome for your
tummy, because it is yummy.
·Green tea (I mean, OBV)
·Some frozen fruits (Choose whatever you want, I
had blackberries and blueberries already in my freezer. Get fresh fruits if you
want but you need a lot for smoothies, and frozen’s just less expensive.
·Honey, lemon, milk to taste
Steep 2 cups of green tea and let it cool all the way to room
temp. Blend up all the fruit and once the tea is cooled, blend it on in there
with the fruit.
If you’d like, add honey, lemon, milk, or anything else you
have lying around to make the smoothie taste the way you’d like!
I’m sure there’s hundreds of other uses for green tea, but
that’s all I’ve got for you today.
Do you love green tea, too? Would you try any of these DIYs?
OK, fill the comments with teabag jokes.