I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
Facial massage is a nonnegotiable bullet point on my tour rider, executed nightly by my own hands while applying all my product layers. Though I gave derma rollers with needles a good shot, I am just far too concerned about contamination in the long run to continue down that path. At what point would it be prudent to toss and repurchase, and how many times could I bear to throw away something before feeling wasteful? Too many what-ifs — not worth it.
I get a decent massage going at night with my hands, but I’d never ignore the opportunity for an upgrade. I’ve seen jade rollers around, and had been seriously dying to try one. As a born-again-credit-virgin, I had to put my shopping on hold until I could pay off some of my moving bills. But now that all that was on the right foot, I could justify making a beauty purchase or two.
I ordered mine from Amazon — it was Prime-eligible, so I got it super fast for around 15 bucks. You can get these in every range of quality, and if you want a fancy one of the most high quality jade, you can have that, too, for about $90. You can even find doctored jade for $3!
The quality of jade (as long as it’s a real stone and not plastic) seems arbitrary to me, to be honest. Some beauty lines that I like quite a bit try to get me to use oils with gemstones in them and things like that, and it's true, those products may delight my witchy side, but I can’t report on the efficacy with a straight face. The roller I grabbed seems to be of decent-quality jade, marbled with green and white in a really gorgeous pattern — deffo not plastic.
Jade is cool to the skin, even when it’s at room temperature, and as you roll, it stays relatively cold. Some people keep theirs in the fridge, but that would automatically make my ADHD brain forget about it every single night.
The rolling begins nightly as soon as I’m done with cleansing and have wiped down the stone. (Keep it clean, and don’t use it on a dirty face.) Some people use it over serums, but I’m not really sure how that would pan out in the long-term for the stone. I just do it after my prescription antibiotic and before all my toners, essences, creams, serums, finishers, etc.
Let’s separate the claims that people make about this tool into Woo Woo Wheat and Accurate Chaff while showing you three of the easy movements to use. When you’re done reading this, you’ll be an old pro.
- Lymphatic massage with light pressure
- Soothing massage effect with more pressure
- Reduced inflammation
This is quite possibly the perfect way to really get that lymph system going or to calm down pissed-off skin. It’s been breakout broad city, population: me for the past few weeks while waiting for this round of Spiro to kick in, and I don’t think I would have made it without this guy. It’s like a milder version of rubbing ice cubes on really red zits to calm them down.
People rave about these up and down, and I really do enjoy it, but other than some mild de-puffing and redness blocking (and a gentle touch for encouraging lymphatic drainage) this is not a must-have unless you hate using your hands or have redness issues.
I find it itches a scratch in my routine; redness, de-puffing, and lymphatic drainage are daily needs, so I have really been sticking to it. Things are continuing on the up-and-up steadily as I use it.
Woo Woo Wheat
- "Toxin" elimination
- Healing energy
- Qi alignment
OK, so it shouldn’t come as a shock to you that I consider myself at least open to the woo-woo side of life and beauty. I’m sure as shit not going to preach it professionally, though I consider that to be a little out-of-bounds when it comes to the scientific part of this stuff.
But I will say this: I feel heaps calmer after I use this thing. Is that a placebo effect, built into the massage? Could be! The qi alignment aspect would fully depend on your beliefs — I’m not qualified to comment.
As much as we loathe the term "toxins" in the real beauty world, the lymphatic massage aspect actually does have this box checked. Eliminating toxins isn’t going to mean actually removing or affecting molecules of any substance from your body that the lymphatic system isn’t already working on. This mainly just addresses viruses, dead cells, and bacteria. Nothing crazy. So it’s really happening, but it’s not profoundly enhanced by this product.
The other bonus is the massage aspect actually can work lactic acid out of your facial muscles if you apply a bit more pressure (or use the spiky acetate side, which I do in the beginning) Lactic acid isn’t quite a toxin, but processing it faster is generally better for your overall health; it causes sore muscles and inflammation.
Always direct the roller upward, and be very gentle around the eye area, I smoosh it up in there because it’s really refreshing, but I do it in slow-mo with light pressure. I’m hoping this scores me some extra collagen or something in the long-term.
It’s almost too easy to incorporate this as your massage agent should you choose to grab one. I like this so much better than using a pointy roller full of needles on my face; it feels good and takes a short moment in my already obscenely long routine.
Photos: Maria Penaloza