I basically called my mom for help. Except when I say mom, I mean an esthetician.
I think I spent
most of 2013 in my bathtub. I love it there. It’s my own little corner where I
can submerge myself in bubbly silence for hours on end, resting my chin atop
the water’s steamy crest.
Or I can
marathon Gossip Girl, drink a bottle of wine and sext my dude. In the bath, no
one can hear your shame.
The problem is,
I like my baths like I like my men: super-hot and all over me.
That works out
fine with men. As for baths, they can dry out my skin, especially in wintertime. Weird, dry skin does not exactly woo the menfolk, and what am I even on
this earth for if not to be flypaper for cute dudes everywhere?
Lucky for you,
I’ve got a year of research under my belt, and I’m ready to proselytize y’all to
Team Bathtime. Not only am I not gonna dry your skin out, I’m gonna moisturize
it like you’ve never been moisturized before. You ready, babe?
First, you need
a bathtub. Preferably, you have a big, gorgeous cast-iron claw-footed tub. Or,
be like me and have a small, dingy tub that leaks water into the kitchen if it
gets too full or if I splash at all. Since I can’t fill the tub all the way
with water, I compensate with bubbles and ego.
Here’s what else
sort of foaming bath product. I really like Village Naturals Therapy Foaming
Bath Oil for Aches & Pains as well as Dr. Teal’s Foaming Bath Relax &
Relief with Eucalyptus Spearmint. My muscles, specifically my neck and back,
get sore and tense very easily and these help soothe me into the state of
sedation I prefer.
oil, oil! Neutrogena Body Oil has been my constant for a couple years. I
think it was a Cat rec back in the day, and I’ve re-bought it every seven or eight weeks
sort of essential oil, if you want to add more yummy-smelling-ness to your
Women’s Extra Sensitive Shaving Oil, if you’re into shaving.
Green bubble bar.
I like my baths
way hot, as I said. As I run the water, I pour in the foaming bath stuff as
well as the body oil. I get very generous with both. As my dad would say when
he’s trying to sing that Miley Cyrus song he doesn’t actually know the words
to, “It’s my life, I do what I want. It’s MY life, I sing a little song.”
Then, I get in
the bath while it’s still running and I hold the Green bubble bar under the
water. It explodes and is so fun! It’s got orange and lime juice in it, and
smells amazing as it turns the bath water a pretty green color. The best part
is it has extra virgin coconut oil in it, which helps moisturize your skin like
That shaving oil
is killer, too. You rub it on your legs or whatever and then let it soak in for
a minute or two and then shave. It gives you such a close, smooth shave, and my
legs never feel dry and scratchy afterwards. Also, my boyfriend told me that
people in Somerset talk like pirates, so I choose to believe this is how pirate
ladies would shave their legs. (Peg legs?)
Sometimes I rub
some more oil on my neck and rub it where it’s sore. I use a soft brush, like
the Bamboo Bristle Bath Brush from EcoTools, to scrub my arms, legs, back and
such. It exfoliates without scratching too much.
It’s such a
soothing bath experience. I wish we could all take one together. But for now, I
sometimes I rub some more oil into my skin before drying off at all. Then I
luxuriate around my house in a silk kimono for several hours while all the oils
sink into my skin. This is an EVENT.
Taking a bath is
what I do when I feel overwhelmed, sad or cold. These days, thanks to these
baller products, it’s what I do when my skin feels dry. Big ups to baths!
Tell me about
your bathtimes! Tubby time is the best.