How To Smell Deliciously Poisonous While Beautifying Your Skin

Cyanide smells like almonds, and these five products smell like almonds; therefore these products smell like cyanide. Transitive property!

There’s something sexy about poison when you’re not being killed by it.

Romeo and Juliet! Snow White! Poison rings are a totally alluring accessory, don’t you think? And Bell Biv DeVoe even wrote a song called “Poison” about a girl with a big butt and a smile, two very sexy features.

Agatha Christie’s favorite poison was cyanide; she killed off at least five characters with the stuff. However--and correct me if I’m wrong, avid Christie readers--she never discussed the best thing about cyanide: it smells like almonds!

Almond is one of my favorite scents, so, logically, I guess that means cyanide is one of my favorite scents. There are a number of delightful skincare products that smell like cyanide, but since it’s not smart marketing to put “Smells like poison!” on a label, this roundup is of products that tout almond-y goodness. They not only smell like almond, they offer the nut's skin benefits, too.

THE GOODS

I like to begin layering fragrance as early as in the shower, and Desert Essence Organics Sweet Almond Body Wash is a great way to start. Organic almond is the second ingredient in this moisture-replenishing formula, so instead of stripping skin like many cleansers, it hydrates really effectively.

While you’re in the shower, you can make your legs and armpits smell even more like almonds with Lather’s non-foaming Almond Shave Crème. It’s rich and sweet, and the almond oil in it helps you get a closer shave.

Right after you’re done getting clean (or whatever it is you personally do in the shower), you can help seal in both moisture and fragrance with c.Booth Honey & Almond Body Butter. This is suuuuuper thick, so it’s perfect for especially dry skin. And if you prefer a toned-down almond scent, the honey element creates a really nice fragrance balance.

Can we talk about Lather again? Cool. This brand is seriously the master of all things almond, and there were a million other almond products of theirs I wanted to include. (OK, not a million—like, eight.) I narrowed it down to their Sweet Almond Face Moisturizer, because I can’t remember the last time I saw almond as the focus of a face cream. It fights dryness with almond oil and a bunch of other ingredients that fell from trees, and it will make people want to eat your face.

Several of these products contain aloe, but only the almond in Caswell-Massey’s Almond & Aloe Hand Cream was willing to share top billing. Although the scent is all almond (does aloe even have a discernible scent?), the conditioning credit is shared by both titular ingredients. Plus, the bottle is cute and small enough that you’ll want to carry it in your bag so you can pull it out and impress people with your skin-moisturizing vigilance.

Oh, and by the way, it’s only bitter almonds that naturally contain cyanide, so since these products are all made with sweet almonds, you won’t die of cyanide poisoning if you ingest them. Also, don’t ingest them.

Do you have any favorite almond-scented products? Are there any other fragrant poisons I should know about?