SEXY HAIRLESS ADVENTURES: We’ve Talked About the Vag, But What About the Stache?

I particularly like it because it burns just enough that you know it’s working.

Sep 6, 2012 at 10:30am | Leave a comment

You guys, let’s stop pretending like we don’t have to wax our upper lip. Or bleach it. Or do SOMETHING with it. Unless of course you are more accepting of nature than I, and you’ve chosen to embrace the lady ‘stache in all its wispy glory. Or, hey, maybe you’re a hairless superwoman. In that case, I hate you! Just kidding. I love everyone, ESPECIALLY if they are ladies because we really need to support each other in these trying times, mustaches or no. I’m in full-fledged, frenzied weirdo mode can you tell?

Regardless of what is done with the fuzz, I’m tired of hearing girls my age gasp in shock when I inquire about their facial hair, saying it’s “So gross!” or “Well, I don’t have that problem, but you might want to try __________.” Bitch, you TOTALLY have that problem! Why must we police our bodies even when amongst our lady friends? It’s weird! Plus it really puts a damper on my nosiness.

Well, I have a lady-stache and Sally Hansen Hair Removal Cream has been my number one choice in terms of moustache maintenance since I was a wee ninth grader. Oh boy, I’ve been conforming to beauty ideals since I was fourteen?! GREAT, that feels awesome. Moving on.

Sally’s hair remover is the cream that, and I’m completely hypothesizing here, chemically burns off any unwanted hair Nair style (feel free to debunk my science immediately).

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This is the new version that doesn’t stink as bad as the original. The old one smells like vomit and Glade Plug-ins. Mixed!

 

I particularly like it because it burns just enough that you know it’s working. You can just feel it singeing the ugly away, you know? Blah, blah, blah BEAUTY IS PAIN, am I right? I love that phrase so much I’m going to get it tattooed on my butt! It’s so empowering!

Again, I’m kidding. Especially considering that I’m a firm believer in beauty stemming from happiness and a desire for self-expression rather than self-torture and a pressure to conform to prescribed ideals. And now I want to stop writing this article and grow out all my hairy bits to my heart’s content, but alas I’m way too far into this. Plus, I don’t believe hairlessness anywhere makes you any less of a feminist, obviously. I’m mostly just cranky that people EXPECT it of me now, ya know?

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A beauty contributor that displays her cream stache unabashedly?! COULD YOU ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE? Yes, yes you could.

Anyway, this cream works so well and is surprisingly gentle despite the mild discomfort it might cause if you leave it on a moment too long. I don’t get red or splotchy (if I follow directions and don’t get too engulfed by the twitter-verse or something equally as ridiculous). Plus, I don’t have to rip anything off of my face. You just wash the cream off after five minutes and presto! No more Trebek.

Do you wax, bleach, or burn the fur from your face? Why or why not? Are you some weird sexy hairless hybrid lady? Also, when did you start meticulously grooming yourself and why did you start doing it? I mean, now I do it because I genuinely enjoy having less facial hair than my boyfriend, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t start shaving, waxing and grooming because I felt forced to by SOCIETY or that dude I made out with once upon a time who noticed and proceeded to shame me into oblivion.

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