STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS BEAUTY REVIEW: AHHHHHH! This $6 Sheet Mask Looks Like I'm Wearing a Face on My Face!!

Consider this article to be like a live-tweeting session — I’m writing about my first experience wearing a sheet mask as it happens.
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Courtney Brunson
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Consider this article to be like a live-tweeting session — I’m writing about my first experience wearing a sheet mask as it happens.

Consider this article to be like a live-tweeting session — I’m writing about my first experience wearing a sheet mask as it happens. My roommate (hi Nary!) is from South Korea, the country with an insanely inventive beauty industry that Americans love to copy off of. Nary has soft baby skin and keeps sheet masks in our fridge, so naturally I felt the irresistible urge to whip out my wallet and see what the hype was all about.

I picked up this $6 Honey Mask from Sephora on the way home from the xoJane office (P.S.: I met Jane today and almost blacked out). I doubt the quality matches that of an authentic Korean mask, but I’m a broke college student and this will have to suffice.

Sephora Collection Honey Mask - This thing is huge!

Sephora Collection Honey Mask - This thing is huge!

After eating some pizza at home, I took off my makeup using Bioderma Crealine and a couple of cotton rounds. I followed up with the Nuance by Salma Hayek Glycolic Cream Cleanser and a Boscia Konjac Cleansing Sponge. Cream cleansers are a must for me in the winter because I turn into a dehydrated, shriveled raisin after November. I also think gentle cleansers work well with exfoliating sponges. Anyway.

Taking the sheet mask out of its packaging feels….Moist? Goopy? Definitely intensely saturated with whatever concoction is about to sink into my pores. I like that. This was also really awkward to unfold because of the mouth and face holes.

Okay, I’ve applied the sheet mask. It feels nice once you get over feeling like you’re wearing a face on your face.

HIDE YO WIFE, HIDE YO KIDS!!!

HIDE YO WIFE, HIDE YO KIDS!!!

AHHH I LOOK LIKE A SCARY ONION!!! My roommate directed me not to smile or laugh (which obviously caused me to do both) to keep the mask from slipping. Will this solidify my chronic bitch face once and for all?

I think the eyeholes are too small. Shockingly the perimeters of my face are covered, including that weird under-chin meat shelf.

Okay, the mask has been sitting on my face for maybe 10 minutes now, and my epidermis feels all cool and tingly. This is nice…a sense of relief similar to lying a cold washcloth on a sunburned face.

I’m getting bored. I want ice cream, but shouldn’t open my mouth. I can hear the girls next door arguing. OMG Keith won America’s Next Top Model! He’s so good-looking. I should read more of the mask packaging. Does anyone else like to read labels on their beauty products while they’re bored/sitting on the toilet?

Ooooh the ingredients include castor oil, aloe, and honey. I also see mushroom extract and broccoli extract on the list??? Weird, but cool I guess. I’m wearing a salad! Sephora promises that I’ll have “velvety-soft, comfortable, and balanced skin.” That better be true because this winter air has made my skin the texture of a sidewalk. The cloth mask promises to “adapt perfectly to the contours of the face, ensuring optimal interaction of active ingredients with the skin.” Science!

My face muscles are starting to feel itchy and restless. Maybe because this was supposed to stay on for 15 minutes and it’s been more like…30. Time to take this ish off — after I Instagram a creepy onion selfie, of course.

After rinsing off the residual face goop, I massaged three drops of Josie Maran Pure Argan Oil all over, which absorbed easily into my already moist skin. (Sorry for saying “moist” so many times).

Post mask, I feel beautiful. Seriously, my skin is “velvety-soft” as promised. I can’t think of a better adjective than velvet. I’m left with an evenly moisturized veil of skin cells, no dry or oily patches in sight. *Counts blessings.*

One downside: The skin around my eyes is noticeably shittier than the rest of my face. My cheeks, forehead, and even my chin look plump and glowy, but my eyes are still proof of my finals-week-induced sleepless nights. Eye masks are next on my shopping list, but for now I’ll stick with some Fresh Black Tea Age-Delay Eye Concentrate.

Time to go eat that ice cream I was talking about earlier.

Have any of you guys ever tried a sheet mask? If so, do you like it better than a traditional cream mask? I think the results for both methods are the same, but sheet masks are more relaxing to wear.

More importantly, what’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

Follow Courtney on Twitter and Instagram @courtneypizza.