I didn’t realize yesterday was Saint Patrick’s Day until I encountered a literal horde of emerald clad college students on the train. The floor was sticky with PBR. The air sparkled with light reflected off a thousand rhinestone accessories. There was no rhyme or reason to be found in the chaos.
Why was there so much shouting? Why were people throwing up at 10:00 AM? Why did so many young men wearing paper hats get locked in the bathroom and then scream at the train conductor?
I was terrified. I fled to the quiet car.
There, in blessed silence, I began to wonder if the smell of alcohol and stale sweat would hang like a cloud of dread over New York City all day. I wondered if Saint Patrick led snakes out of Ireland and if my grandmother, who always took me to the Saint Patrick’s Day parade dressed in orange (I KNOW), would be disappointed in my ignorance (Kiss me, I’m half-Irish).
Finally, I wondered what beauty products I would use after drinking myself silly in celebration of clovers and leprechauns and Flogging Molly. If you are anything like me, you may be in need of these 10 products to slough off whatever kind of raging you did last night. If you are more sociable or more Irish than I am, you will definitely want to pick up at least one of these blessed unguents at Sephora (or Ulta, if you're in the Midwest!) or, better yet, have the whole lot Amazon Prize Drone-shipped to your office.
I might have to actually buy the gallon jug ($59) of this bubble bath. The suds inside these bears is beyond plush and eucalyptus is my favorite bath scent so I run through these little guys in a week or two. I found my first bubble bear at Marshall's and spent a whopping $12 on it which is more than I spend on any home-good at Marshall's, but I'm so glad I did.
It's hard to find a eucalyptus product that's made just for relaxing. Usually, you'll find toners, salts, masks, or deep cleansers, but Griffin Remedy has managed to take the spritely (yeah, I said "spritely") scent of eucalyptus and it's sinus-clearing goodness and magic it into one of the fluffiest, most luxurious bubble baths out there.
I don't care how expensive they are, I will always buy GlamGlow masks when my skin feels exceptionally gross (or use my Sephora VIB points to score the sample packs, whatever). I'm a diehard fan of these little pots of mud.
They make me feel very glamorous and they tingle in a way that convinces me I'm being proactive about skincare while I lounge in the bathtub and wait for them to harden. Put this mud — it's beige, but the pot is green so it fits the theme — on your face, mask-style, leave it on for about 10-15 minutes, then use wet hands to transform the mask to an oil cleanser that you can wash off as you normally would.
I'm both fascinated and terrified of peels — I've seen a lot of horror movies wherein people peel off their faces — but this peel is meant for overnight wear which is less frightening than something that you can only leave on your skin for ten minutes.
This is the only product I will tolerate that has quinoa in it. There are many things that I won't put in my mouth, but I'll rub on my face (and come to think of it, quite a few of them are Kiehl's products).
Any blemish I get that I don't immediately treat turns into a vile little brown spot and this micro-peel has gradually improved that unevenness after just a few uses. Like all peels, it does contain an AHA that could make your skin BURST INTO FLAMES — just kidding, we're talking your basic post-peel sun sensitivity — after use, but it's totally fine because you don't have to go outside if you're nursing a hangover with the curtains drawn.
I swear I'm not going to overdo it on the masks, but I couldn't ignore this ultra-moisturizing one by Peter Thomas Roth. Why? Because if you've had a rough night and you're dehydrated AND if that rough night clogged your pores, you need an intense dose of moisture to get your skin back to a state where pore de-clogging is possible.
In addition to soothing and hydrating, this mask also detoxifies — a skincare step I know is important, but that I see no immediate results from. This means I generally shun products that promise to detoxify (give me instant gratification or give me death!). What I love about this mask is that, once you rinse, you do see results from one of its benefits, so the other benefits are just icing on your dry, clogged, icky face.
Molton Brown Infusing Eucalyptus Stimulating Body Polisher and Body Wash
I've already said I love all things eucalyptus-infused and/or scented, but I also love Molton Brown. I was introduced to it via a tiny boutique in Iowa where my fiance has religiously purchased Molton Brown's Black Peppercorn line for years. It's very much a "dude scent," but I've been sneaking quarter-sized amounts from his bottles of body wash (a little bit of all Molton Brown's body washes goes a long way), lighting his Black Peppercorn candle when he's out for the apartment, and spraying myself with his cologne for a very long time.
All of their fragrances — including this green one! — are fantastic and, unlike other brands of bath products, their scent lingers on throughout the day. If you're not ready to commit to a new bath and body fragrance, never fear! Molton Brown makes a teeny tiny darling bottle too (three ounces for $14)!
If you go out and you go hard, bumps and bruises are standard collateral damage. Once, I got a sand burn on Saint Patrick's Day. I was a beach and I was running and that's all I'm going to say about that. And so, I give you Village Naturals Therapy Mineral Bath Soak.
I first encountered this soak while stalling in the Target beauty aisle because I was frustrated with shopping for things I actually needed (why are paper goods so expensive?!) and bath-related things soothe me. So does this soak, which comes in convenient single size packets if you don't want to buy a whole bottle, but why wouldn't you buy the whole bottle because soaking in the tub is the best and these salts are refreshing and affordable (and minty!). You can find them at Target, Walmart, Walgreens, and on Amazon (of course).
Sometimes, with faces as with carpets, you have to steam the dirt off. I learned this from watching movies in which devious men who made lots of money always ended the day in a sauna, sweating out the ill will and murder and money laundering they'd done through the day. I will not go to a sweat lodge, but I have been known to dunk my head in the sink, cover it with a towel, run the water hot, hot, hot, and — when the occasion really calls for it — drop one of these tea tree toner tabs in. It's a heady detox experience you can take in with all of your senses. You'll emerge triumphantly from the shower or, in my case, the bathroom sink, feeling rejuvenated and brand new.
I am generally of the opinion that everything in Bath and Body Works smells too sweet for me, but I love the C.O. Bigelow Mentha line.
I exfoliate probably too much, but I can't really help it because I love soft skin. This bar lets you skip the before and after body-washing step and exfoliate while you cleanse. It's the only two-in-one bath product I allow in my house. As a bonus, it "lightly sloughs" off dead cells so you won't take off too much of your skin no matter how vigorous of a scrubber you are.
When I drink, I don't black out. I don't throw up or fall down, but I do get remarkably puffy in the morning. Sephora sheet masks, if you don't already know, are kind of the best.
They're affordable, adorable, and come in a wide range of target-areas and uses. I like these eye masks because they offer all the soak-in benefits of a sheet mask without making me look like I ripped off someone else's face and plastered it to my own (plus, like I said, puffy eyes). I get nervous about putting anything on my "delicate eye area" because one time I used an eye cream that was supposed to be specially formulated for said sensitive eye area but in fact dried my face out and gave me scaly, flaky bags. I was in high school. It was humiliating and I promise these little fiber patches won't give you scales. What they will give you is more even under-eye skin that's brighter than your post-bender eye-skin would normally be.
What’s your favorite green — either by virtue of color or sustainability — beauty product? How much alcohol can you drink before you get the spins? Have you ever been locked in a public transit bathroom?
Happy Day after Saint Patrick’s Day, everyone.