I Don't Know What's Gonna Make Things OK Right Now, But Maybe Dolly Parton Hair Products Will Cheer You Up

The higher the hair, the closer to demolishing the patriarchy?
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Publish date:
November 9, 2016
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hair color, highlights, covergirl, dolly parton, Nura Afia

Reporting live-ish from my big-ass Time Inc-sanctioned computer screen in Manhattan, it is I, your news person for today because why not? Seriously, I love a big computer monitor. I feel so tuned-in. Plus, I don't have to squint as much, which is always a plus because you know, fine lines and stuff.

Obviously this page is about beauty news, but Marci and I both feel it would be remiss not to mention the real news. The BIG news. The news that it truly feels like our country (if you're reading this and American) has championed misanthropy, racism, bigotry, and sexism as worthy of our allegiance and trust — a braggadocious orange bag of hot air to represent us as a nation and make decisions for citizens that so far have proven to be the lowest priority in his circus of a campaign. I don't consider myself a "political person" at all, but maybe that's my issue and partially a contributor to how we got here — I should be. We all should be.

Rachel brought up a good point that the one thing we can and should do is "be as strong of an ally as we possibly can to the groups who are going to be targeted as fuck under a Trump presidency." So let's do that, and let's do that hard, OK?

Anyway, what's happening in Le Monde de la Beauté? A fair amount of things. I'm not here to over-embellish or bait your clicks. I'm just that person who's like, "Did you read that thing..." and maybe you did or didn't, but hey, here's some news for the latter.

CoverGirl announced another brand ambassador in their hella-progressive agenda for 2016

Remember when CoverGirl recently announced a CoverBOY as a brand ambassador, prompting the beauty community to collectively go, "You go, (Cover)girl"? Well now they've just announced another brand ambassador, and this time, it's Muslim beauty blogger, Nura Afia.

I mean, obviously she's super-good at makeup, plus she also incorporates her hijab into her videos, showing her viewers creative ways to tie a turban and in general keep it looking great. Driving forth the agenda of diversity and inclusivity on a mass scale, it warms my politically scorched heart a smidge that even if CG is trying to Cool Mom™ their way to the top, the end justifies the means.

Here are the health risks of dumpster diving for luxury beauty products.

I mean, just in case you were thinking of doing that.

“Itchy skin, red skin, inflamed skin, even acne or eruptions that look like acne, it can take several forms" according to the quoted dermatologist in this local news piece.

OK, what I wanna know is what are the eruptions that look like acne if they are in fact NOT acne?

Also, if you cannot clean makeup, all those testers at Sephora that I've been dutifully alcohol-cleaning before trying were still tainted and WHAT. HAVE. I. DONE.

Rogue's white streak is totally possible and genetically passed down... JUST LIKE MUTANT POWERS

People say I look a lot like my mom, but just look at this adorable bb and her mom, who both share the same genetic white streak in their hair in the SAME SPOT. Baby MilliAnna and her mom, Brianna (a name pattern as well?) aren't the only family members who share this genetic anomaly — Brianna's mother and grandmother also have the streak.

If this were in my gene pool, I'd definitely name it something like The White Lighting or something Harry Potter-esque so when daughters are born they can be like, "Oh, she's got The White Lightening just like her mother..."

Speaking of hair color names...

The newest non-hair-related reference to a hair color trend is called "Tiger's Eye"

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMkPZoODxRq

Still obsessing over #TigerEyehair DONT BE AFRAID TO TRY WARMER TONES 😻🙌🏽

A post shared by Hair By Rhiannon Abrahams (@ayanahairdesign) on

When I was a wee nerd with a geode set, I was obsessed with tiger eye stones. Also, I'm a tiger in the Chinese zodiac, so tigers have always felt very on-brand for me. But tiger eye is just plain pretty, you know? I'm gonna say tiger again. Tiger.

So I guess I can't be that surprised that the stone and its coloring has been coopted to name yet another hair color "trend" that is essentially brunette with highlights. Not to downplay the artistry that goes into colorists' work, but I'm pretty sure if I went to a colorist I hadn't met before and said "I want tiger eye hair" they would be like, "Ma'am, are you having a stroke?" However, I guess if I asked for chestnut base with bronze, gold, caramel and auburn highlights... I'd probably get tiger eye hair.

Dolly Parton teased a potential cosmetic line for the near future!!!

In this exclusive interview with Hello Giggles, The Queen, Dolly Parton, has alluded to a hair/wig line which makes absolute and total sense:

"I’m working on that and hopefully I’ll have a wig line and hair products and all that stuff. With the makeup and the wigs, I’m really hot and heavy into doing research. We’ve got some things going on with that, but it’s definitely something I have always wanted to do."

There are other beauty gems from Dolly in there too including some DIYs she does like mashing up honeysuckle for perfume and using pokeberries on her lips. Who knew the woman who insured her boobs for $600k is also an enthusiastic "natural beauty" practitioner?

I'm so jazzed for that — really, I am — but, like, the only story-concluding Q on my mind is: What the hell are we gonna do now?