NEW MAKEUP MONDAY: I Haz BROSHLIGHTER! No, Seriously, I Do.

What is a broshlighter? When is Metallica ever cool? And what is your purpose on this earth? Cat answers 2 outta 3.

Jun 6, 2011 at 4:02pm | Leave a comment

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Hellllo, sexy monkeys! It's Monday and that means I had a crazy weekend and used a bunch of new makeup the whole time.

What did I do?? What did YOU do? I went to this weird chick's creepy apartment afterhours house party and watched all of my straight male friends get sucked into a weird matrix of uber-gay energy, that's all!

Anyway: NEW MAKEUP MONDAY. Let's go.

Lancome Paris has a dreamy new blush-type thing that I'm all a-twitter over. Oh, now I can't even use a-twitter, because it would mean that I tweet over it. And tweeting about my makeup is one the very last things that I don't do, if only because then I'm all, damn it Marnell, you need something to write about come NEW Makeup Monday.

So here it is: Lancome Paris Desert Rose Blush, $40, and of course this hot bitch is available on a sexy little website by the name of lancome-usa.com. Now, such a product -- a '"swirl"-- is often known in my head as a BROSH. Glamour magazine's excellento beauty department might call it a BLONZER, but that's only because when I worked at Lucky they beat us to the punch in reporting such an important beauty concept (and oh, how I was devastasted at the time).

It's a blush, bronzer, and highlighter combo -- so let's go with BROSHLIGHTER; surely Lancome will be hiring me after this for some sexy copywriting gig -- and it makes you look tawny and flushed and healthy all over, like you've been vigorously downward-dogging for an hour, and I don't mean having hot sex. Fine, I do.

Anyway, Ive been sweeping this bad boy on with a big fluffy brush (mine's by Shu Uemura) with reckless abandon and looking about a zillion times better for it. If you're a party animal as I am, I sincerely suggest you do the same. It's all you really need in your bag. Well, besides these next things. NEXT.

I cannot tell a lie: I became acquainted with this eye shadow palette because there was a friggin' AD for it on the very website that I write for! Yes, right here on xojane.com It's the CoverGirl Exact Eyelights Eye Brightening Shadow Palette, $8.49 on, er, walgreens.com, because I do love Walgreens. Oh, and this one is for Brown Eyes. Are my eyes brown? I think not. They are HAZEL; with, I'd like to think or at least say, a heftier percentage of green.

My point is, and I do have one, is that I didn't mean to write about this palette. All of you might go squawking in the comments section: "Oh, a beauty editor writing about a product that's featured in the big banner ad on her website. HOW SERENDIPITOUS." And I am here to tell you NO, that is not the case! You see, I am a particularly stubborn and terrible beauty editor in that respect. If something is advertised in the magazine or online magazine for which I am writing/editing a beauty section, I become all sorts of punk rock about it and do NOT want to give it any coverage at all! Even if the product is good!

("But my integrity," I'll whine to whomever is my supervisor at the time, who will sit there pretending they are not dumbfounded, for I have rarely exhibited integrity in any way, shape or form in my, say, personal life. It's true: I like to cheat on guys and things, and then loudly talk about it when I should be working.)

But BACK TO COVERGIRL! This damn eye shadow palette was so good that once I got my hands on it I had to write it up. And my eyes don't even technically count as brown! There are four shadows: a black, a silver-grey (not quite dark enough to be gunmetal), a copper and a vanilla with a subtle infusion of gold -- METALLICA. As a band, it is not exactly my scene. As a beauty concept, however, it's precisely right.

How do I like to use this thing? Well, friends, remember that I am the great Finger Smearer, and no, that's not nearly as dirty as it sounds. I mean I like to take things out with me at night and smear them on with my fingers in nightclub bathrooms, and that's what I love doing with these shades, even though they come with a little brush and all. I always lose the brush!

But I am working a real self-tanner fake tan face (it's pretty and golden, I promise; not orange), plus lots of the aforementioned Lancome broshlighter, so my whole night time look right now is tawny tawny tawny. That means a smudgy copper smoky eye, with black shadow as the eyeliner on top of it, and a tiny bit of vanilla-gold under the arch of my brows and in the inner eye corner, to brighten things.

Did you know that silver and grey shadow makes ALL colors of eyes pop, plus makes your skin look tanner? Now you do. TRY.

Don't you dare for a second think that because this last write-up is going to be shorter than the others that means that this product is in some way deficient in comparison to the others. NON! It means that I (duh) am deficient, mentally, and I have horrible time management and wordcount issues that I already bitch enough about on this site.


What in God's name I am trying to say is this: I get too enthusiastic and write too much, when all I really need to say sometimes goes like this: THIS PRODUCT IS AWESOME. I've been smearing it on my lips for at least six days, a record for lip products. It is called the Pixi Succulent Lip Twin in Poppy Red; it costs $18 at Target and that's all good with me.

POPPY RED is my FAVORITE lip color in the world. This is a low-maintenance alternative to my favorite YSL Rouge Volupte, darlings, and I don't go ahead and say that sort of thing casually. The best part about the fabulous orange-infused bright-bright red color: it goes on sheer but not glossy, for this is a round balm tip. 

And back to the color: I call this a "bold solitaire," which is a lip-color term I just made up and am declaring to be real here because I am ever so powerful. I am also declaring it thusly to be beyond perfect for the look I'm planning on rocking to the xoJane.com Trashy Book Club meeting at 4:30, which is "wet hair/slapdash concealer/eight coats black mascara/BRIGHT STATEMENT-MAKER POPPY LIP", in the manner of so many chic runways of the past, all of which I fail to remember enough to reference specifically by designer and season.

Just TRUST  that this look is a chic one for the ages, ladies and cross-dressing vaguely "mascara traces"-type gay men I.E. my friends, and try it out. You can thank me later, and by later I mean now, and by thanking me I mean write about your own weekends and weekend makeup in my favorite place in the world -- the comments section! I read each and every comment obsessively and as always will try to get back to them all. Tell me if these columns are too long, too. I know they are a little. XO