My Favorite Lipstick in the World! Plus: Why Men Are Lame

In my experience, men hate bright red lipstick, which is fine by me because I hate men.

May 13, 2011 at 10:00am | Leave a comment

Red lipstick is the chicest beauty look there is, especially on a bare face (and by bare I mean but for black mascara, concealer, and bronzer).

As previously stated, men hate bright red lipstick, which is fine by me because I hate men. No (YES), I don't; I'm all sorts of heterosexy and everything. It's just that they tell me how to dress or wear my hair and makeup all constantly, and it's f-ing infuriating!

Last month I went to a swanky family dinner wearing strappy heels and this really girly, float-y, boho floral dress -- very unlike my usual miniskirts, motocycle boots, and ratty Suicidal Tendencies tank tops or whatever. I always dress deceptively demure for my father, you see, who is a Republican psychiatrist and thinks I'm, like ... a junkie or something? (I don't knowwhat his deal is, honestly; he's just basically the worst. Trust)

So afterwards I go meet Mike Mint -- my nicest guy friend, an amazing Russian-born street artist  -- for drinks. And he sees me and is immediatly like, "You look amazing! You should wear more dresses like that!" 

Did I thank sweet Mike Mint? Please. I bit his head off!

"Really?", I screeched, as his eyes widened fearfully. "Should I? Because I think I should wear exactly what I want, when I want, all of the time! IT'S MY BODY. MY LOOK. IT'S NOTABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. MY CHOICES. THAT'S WHAT FREE COUNTRIES are all about!"

Then:

"FRANKLY, YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE EVEN HERE SITTING HERE WITH ME AND NOT IN THE BACK OF A BREAD LINE." (pause) "WHERE YOU BELONG."

I don't remember his reaction, but let's just say this sort of thing is why while I am always vaguely in love with Mike Mint, Mike Mint is decidedly never in love with me.

But at the end of the day, who cares? Not I! And right now my favorite red lipstick is YSL Rouge Volupte Lipstick #17 Red Muse, which is a real bright RED-red -- no orange, pink, or brown -- which brilliantly brightens my face and makes me look polished (no easy feat) and together. I sometimes just dab it on like a stain. It's amazing. And a tube lasts like a year.

Thoughts on red lipsticks you love? On dumb men? On why I'm a huge bitch? Let's hear 'em.