This is me, every night at like 6 in the morning! Scary. My Nyquil dependency is even grosser than my minimal addiction to cigarettes -- I’m down to two a day -- but I plow through my sleeping pill prescriptions in like a week and a half -- usually I force other people who crash at my house to take them, so I don’t have to worry about their nervous energy while I stay up and write.
Except usually I have a terrible time writing and start cruising the “deep Internet.” Like have you ever gone on YouTube and looked for the videos with the very least views, just to see what weirdness you can find? Here, watch “Getting Off Trobby 3:”
It used to only have like five views, but over the past couple months whenever I am in a sulky mood I go watch it and laugh, so now it has like 22. And I’m always in a sulky mood! Because I am ridiculous.
I also like to go out and get my favorite newspaper, the New York Post! There is literally no better paper in New York. The only one that comes close is the New York Observer, which comes out once a week on pink paper. I read it mainly for socialite news and groundbreaking pieces on brunch etiquette, and of course they write about Jane a lot. My favorite article says that Jane doesn’t get out of bed for less than $15,000 a day. Make it rain, bitch! As it should be.
One time the Observer almost got me fired, but I guess that was my fault. Lucky's "green" issue was out at the time, and Jennifer Connolly had some sort of...beauty contract, like everyone else in the world. But she does go to too many events! Or she did at the time; I kept seeing her. And I was lying through my teeth about being 24; I was 26. I must have been drunk (though I will cheerfully lie about my age dead sober to anyone within earshot).
The “reporter” who interviewed me was some assistant-y girl that I was giving career advice to because she wanted to come work at Condé Nast! So I was betrayed. And my editor-in-chief was not happy about it.
Anyway, back to the New York Post! They've had some of the best covers ever, look:
They are very into bimbos. And so am I!
Anyway, now that I've been dating this new person B., my new favorite thing has been reading the paper in the morning for where the celebrities are eating, and then passing out for a few hours, and then waking up just to start harassing him via Blackberry Messenger to take me to the places where the celebrities are eating, when he is most busy in the peak mid-morning hours of his glamorous job.
"HOLD the presses. I’m given hot news. Twice in two weeks Zac Efron inhaled chicken satay and lettuce wraps at Philippe..."
"Reformed bad-boys-club pals Rob Lowe and David Duchovny eating lunch at vegan mecca Candle 79 yesterday..."
I love Rob Lowe! So now I want to go to these places, and B. is going to take me. If I'm not inhaling lettuce wraps at Philippe within a week, I'll be furious! Livid. And he knows it. (Update: B. is taking me to the Chinese restaurant Pusha T. goes to, Chin Chin. Whatever!)
Anyway, the best part of all this is that Rob Lowe's brother Justin, an artist, once lived with B. in his apartment! He was always in and out and calling drug dealers. He's this artist that did this cool exhibit once called Hello Meth Lab in the Sun (in the "official town" or whatever of my least favorite artist-that-I-know-is-important -- the BORING Donald Judd -- in Marfa, Texas).
So, what does all this have to do with skincare resolutions? Very little, except I need to stop living like a vampire bat with a terrible writing schedule who sucks down Nyquil like blood and then wastes hours every dawn reading tabloids and smoking, because literally every morning while you are deep into your R.E.M. sleep, the above photo is my reality. C'est degoutant! And so I'm making changes in the New Year:
1) Sleep more, without Nyquil.
2) No more smoking Marlboro Ultra-Lights in the house, which is gross anyway.
3) Be diligent with Tazorac! Here is my sexy new tube:
Tazorac is a retinol like Retin-A, and I used to use it (and now do again!) and Lucky beauty director Jean Godfrey-June uses it, and Madonna's dermatologist prescribed it to both of us! Dr. Brandt. And now I'm on it again. It's making my skin really dry and getting me all broken out and annoying, but retinols suck before they start working. And they do work; it was in the New York Times. Which is a paper I avoid. Boring!
4) Alternate Tazorac nights with Prevage nights:
Elizabeth Arden Prevage is like the best night moisturizer in the world. You wake up looking glowier and better on the mornings that you've used it. If there's any glow to my skin in the photo above, it is due to Prevage! I love it. And it doesn't break me out, because I just use the Advanced Anti-Aging Serum (for now!) and it's more of a lotion with a pump, and not some gnarly pot of cream that one of my horrible friends would probably ash into anyway (UPDATE: I really, really want a pot of Prevage Night Cream!).
5) Wear eye cream with SPF on my eyes during the day, and who cares about wearing eye cream at night. This is Murad Essential-C Eye Cream SPF 15 and it's really good, especially since it is hard to find eye creams with sunscreen in them (which is crazy to me -- I mean, hi, fine lines):
I don't really know how much I care about eye creams that don't have SPF, because I've been getting $300 pots of them for free for so long that my thinking is completely skewed. Of course I use them, but if all of this was ripped away from me -- this being my weird and wonderful editorial beauty career -- would I just go out and buy that kind of stuff? No, I'd use Olay Regenerist Anti-Aging Eye at night. (Does that answer your question, Christina Kelly? And, actually, Julie, can you call in some Olay Regenerist?)
Anyway, what a completely disjointed column! Oh well. What are your skincare resolutions?
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