It's gonna get sappy up in here.
So the UK is flipping for this new cream called Nanoblur, which is not to say it works. The UK tends to flip out over everything, you see. Remember Jedward?
(Well, that’s not really fair. Even I flipped out over Jedward. Who could resist this performance?)
Back to Nanoblur. It's not even British; it's, like, Canadian. But the Brits are making a big fuss of it first, so let's reward them by lifting lazily from The Daily Mail:
"Nanoblur is a cream full of minute high tech particles that scatter light, making skin look miraculously better — clearer, fresher and younger — in seconds, by blurring wrinkles and pigmentation.
The idea of using optical diffusing elements to confuse the eye and minimise the appearance of wrinkles is hardly new, and has, for years, been employed by cosmetics companies in face-flattering products.
But Nanoblur has taken the technology behind this idea to a new level of sophistication. ‘Our particle sizes are hundreds of times smaller than older formulas,’ says Mr Truaxe. ‘That means they can find their way into the smallest imperfections and use tricks of light to iron them out.’
These particles are on the nano-scale — at 700 nanometres — but too big to slip into the skin (only particles less than 400nm in diameter can do that), so they stay on the outside of the skin, to reflect light.
‘If you give a photograph to a digital artist for improvements they will usually start by blurring out imperfections,’ adds [company founder] Mr Truaxe.
‘That is what this product does. It refracts light in so many different directions it has the effect of looking through frosted glass. Most other products that try to do this are primers, which you use on the skin before applying make-up. Ours is a “finisher” — it is the final step.’"
Right. I’ve been dying to blur myself off the map for years now, so this sort of thing actually appeals to me. You know what really works? I mean, really really works? That Clarins balm that you dab onto your harsh edges to soften them. What’s it called … let me find it. Clarins Instant Smooth Perfecting Touch:
Right. This stuff is sick. My narcissist ex-best friend Andre’s mother once dabbed it on for me, showing off her very streamlined, European beauty routine, which she was rightly very proud of. This balm she used for between her eyes, and it sort of fills the lines. I watched it ... blur the harsh edges, right before my eyes. Really, they sort of went away. The creases, it seemed.
“Blurring” the face where it’s harsh is nothing new -- one of the oldest makeup artist tricks in the book is to dab a little eye cream on the outer corners of eyes when makeup settles into crows feet and things. It softens everything up.
The Daily Mail has a big pullquote that women on average spend £24,000 on wrinkle-reducing treatments over their lifetime. I’m not going to bother putting that into a translator and getting the dollar amount, just know that all you really need is Retin-A, sunscreen and then a little Botox (review the basics with my friend the Botox Whisperer) and some peels when you’re ready. [Or not. --Jane] And maybe a little Olay Regenerist in between. That's the good stuff.
Oh, and the other product this company, Indeed Labs, makes is called SNOXIN, which promises to be "4x better than 500+ serums," which is like, okay. It's all proven by laboratory testing, and can I just throw down and disillusion you all from the myth of the goddamn beauty industry and say that it's full of frauds and liars?
It's just like Hollywood and all of the other industries I, as someone in the media, have spent the past eight years sucking up to, and you know what; whatever. They're all fake.
Julie, can you call this in so I can try it and dismiss it with more authority, please? Because I actually do want to try it. It does sound appealing; I do want it to work, and maybe it will. I'll also happily tear down a company just to redeem them and thus make the story arc more compelling. See, the media: We're awful, too.
And the rest of you: thoughts about aging? And of Jedward -- will they (It?) stand the test of time?