I Was Underwhelmed by My Eyebrows, So I Bought Something Weird Off the Internet to Get Whelmed

This product will last through everything the rational mind could conceive.
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Publish date:
June 7, 2016
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eyebrows, shopping, weird beauty, Wunderbrow

Like most gals, I have a complicated relationship with my eyebrows. I'm happy they're there, of course, but like a pushy parent, I always think they could be trying harder and doing better.

I want eyebrows so enormous that they meet in the middle, so hairy they flutter in the breeze. What I have, I find middle-of-the-road and painfully average, albeit much improved by two years of no tweezers and plenty of castor oil. Nonetheless, they require help to even vaguely resemble the eyebrows I want and deserve.

My usual brow routine consists of a monthly-ish dyeing session, which helps beyond measure, and a coat of a tinted brow gel. Because even though I want my eyebrows to dominate my face, I don't want them to look drawn on, or (heaven forbid) neat. My favorite product for this has long been L'Oreal Brow Stylist Plumper Brow Gel Mascara. I like it because it has the hold of a gel, but also adds fluffiness and thickens up the hairs. It is an undeniably Good Product. But the more I examined my eyebrows, the more I realized they were fading into the background of my face. They were supposed to be the stars of the show, and instead they were barely even extras. Something had to be done.

I don't know where I first heard about WunderBrow, but something about it had caught in my mind. Perhaps it was the spelling of "wunder," suggesting a German efficiency. Perhaps it was the fact is had a far-reaching internet cult following, the kind of cult I can (and frequently do) get involved with. Perhaps it was simply that it seemed exceptionally weird, which appealed to me. During a late-night "browse" (read: spree) I finally bought it. The rest is brow history.

For someone who is opposed to drawn-on eyebrows, you'd think that painted-on eyebrows would be even more offensive. But this isn't really paint. It's more a gel that you can apply loads of, which emphasizes hairs instead of overruling them. It's the best way I've found to fake the naturally bushy, hairy eyebrows of my dreams.

It looks intimidating, I'll grant you — like nail polish for your eyebrows. It comes in a lip-gloss-looking tube, with a short-ish, bristled, and nicely precise brush applicator. The product isn't totally opaque, either, meaning it's more difficult than you'd imagine to overdo it. Obviously a light hand is necessary, but mistakes can be fixed if you get to them quickly.

What is totally essential is a heavily reliance on the spoolie. Start with a vigorous brush— upwards, obviously, but I'm sure you all knew this. Upwards aids in the hairy factor, by making the top line of the eyebrow diffuse with individual strands. Plus, it moves the eyebrow in its entirety slightly up the forehead, making you look youthful and surprised: so hot right now.

Then get to the painting. Start at the arch, because this is when the brush will be most loaded with product, and you don't want to put that straight onto the "sprouts" (inner eyebrow parts, apparently). After the bulk of the product is in the brow, you can spread it to the more diffuse ends and beginnings (?) without accidentally applying loads onto your skin.

Then (and here's the part that you really must obey) brush again. Brush them for a while, because you'll start to feel the product setting, allowing for a few moments some more styling control. This is the time where I brush my "sprouts" in the opposite direction to their growth to really make them stand out, and make sure the tails are all uniformly pointing to my hairline.

And here is where the WunderBrow goes from interesting through promising to truly outstanding. This product will last through everything the rational mind could conceive. Sweating profusely, crying whilst hanging upside down, getting sprayed directly in the face with a water pistol, having a dog lick your forehead — all the usuals.

Apparently, it is actually designed to last through showering, but I am an above-averagely enthusiastic face washer. I can attest that it can only really be removed via a proper cleansing session; using water, cleanser and a washcloth device. Micellar water cowers in the face of the WunderBrow. I imagine this would be a really ace product for festivals, where reapplication is a nightmare, showering is a fantasy and looking cute is a top priority. But for me, it's become an everyday staple.

A word of warning on the shades. My natural hair color (believe it or not, not pinky-orange) is a mid-brown, but I've been using and enjoying "Black Brown." There is nothing "Black" about this — in fact, even for me I'd prefer a tad darker. But it is a great ashy shade, with no unappealing warm tones. Based on this, my guess is that the colors run lighter than their given names. Just something to be cognizant of, because I don't think this is a product you can really try before you buy.

It's a bit expensive, but like any good makeup enthusiast, I can justify it. It's an extremely unique and undupe-able product, for one. Plus, it's a similar price to most higher-end eyebrow pencils, and eyebrow pencils last a matter of weeks, whereas this tube will probably last for years, so long as the lid is tightly fastened between uses. It also makes my eyebrows look exactly how I want them to, and I am extremely picky. But I think that those of you who are picky like me (wanting extreme emphasis on the eyebrows while still somehow having them look natural), there's nothing better.

  • What is your "holy grail" eyebrow product?
  • Ever bought something weird and beauty related off the internet? How did that go for you?
  • Ever bought something weird and not beauty related off the internet? Please tell all.