I have long considered myself to be a spiritual redhead. I mean, forgive me for bandying about a word with such import in these parts, but I am SASSY. In an xoJane-themed romantic comedy, I would be the Judy Greer-type best friend who says dirty, inappropriate things and makes a DOG cover its eyes like "Ruh-roh."
So starting around the age of 13, I began utilizing Feria to set right what nature had cruelly gotten wrong, by turning my mousy brown shade into any number of fiery, dyed-looking reds.
For over a decade, I cycled through every shade of red under the sun, from auburns to orange-y Phyllis Nefler hues. I sort of forgot, after dyeing layer upon layer upon layer of red, that somewhere underneath all that my hair was naturally a different color. I felt that I had lived in redheadedness long enough to be considered a native.
Then I got sober, and got the equivalent of a breakup haircut to mark my messy divorce from drugs and alcohol. I lost 20 pounds (cutting out thousands of daily booze calorie will do that) and dyed my hair a more sensible dark brunette.
And on the seventh day I rested. For two and half years, in which I grew to love having dark hair, and in fact sort of lumped "redheadism" in with some of the less desirable -isms I used to gleefully splash about in (think alcoholism and masochism). I even dabbled in black hair, before returning to a dark brown. I got highlights!
And then Hannah dyed her hair red and all of a sudden redhead fever started screaming for my attention like my unruly ovaries in the presence of a baaaaaby.
You guys, I miss my red hair!
And I think that dark hair is probably more flattering, and certainly more natural-looking, but that's now what holds me back. See, Sober Emily has dark hair. And the magically thinking part of me is afraid that if I go back to red hair, I'll somehow be transported back to the person I used to be.
This "Nooooooooooo!!!!" moment brought to you by my irrational alcoholic's brain.
But listen, I know it doesn't really work like that. And since you guys basically own me at this point, I'm prepared to do what you tell me. So just decide amongst yourselves what color my hair should be and let me know before I post so many pictures of myself that the whole site explodes.
Keep in mind that all redhead pics are pre-sobriety, so I am naturally heavier/more bloated and have worse skin and makeup in those pictures, but it is not the red hair's fault. DO NOT BLAME THE RED HAIR.