I don’t know if YOU know, but I f-ing LOVE Britney Spears. I think she’s just the most fantastic little nightmare on the planet. God bless pop stars! Why the hell not love them to pieces? Please.
Any Britney isn’t just any pop star – she’s a pop star who once gave us THIS:
Aka the most important beauty moment of our lifetime. Britney, I genuflect. You are a GODDESS. Even more so than Sharon Stone, and I DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT ANYONE. EVER!!!!
So obviously I always go to her concerts when I can. Yes, I went to the Circus tour at Madison Square Garden a few years ago -- her “comeback,” as it were -- and bitch was all sorts of zonked! Just like you read in the papers and things: she was seriously out to lunch.
Luckily, I like a little blotto with my celebs, so whatever, but truth be told, it was a less than spellbinding concert. I mean, since it was the Circus tour I guess there WAS this midget with no arms or legs -- or wait, maybe it was just an armless or legless person, not a midget, come to think of it -- who opened the show by bouncing with her whole torso on this trampoline, and she was pretty cool.
But otherwise, meh.
However – the FEMME FATALE tour was TOTALLY better. I was fucking enthralled! Don’t you dare edit that last curse word out, Emily McCombs – you know Britney would want you to keep it in. [OK. Just this once, girls. ]
This is the woman who brought us possibly the greatest celebrity quote ever, in, I believe, 2007 (and outside a courthouse no less): “EAT IT, SNORT IT, LICK IT, FUCK IT!” INDEED. Britney, I FUCKING LOVE YOU!
Anyway, the show was so sick, you guys. I don’t give a damn if you think she can’t sing – I hate people who can sing! The best people are pop stars, and besides, Britney I think WAS singing throughout so much of this concert – and she sounded GOOD. I LOVE her voice, thank you very much. Oh oh oh, and she looked so very good, too:
DON’T. YOU. JUST. DIE. I do. I do I do I do. She totally looked like she was having fun the whole show and just … ROCKED it. Killed it. Really, it was great. I was thrilled.
My favorite moments? Dude, I was actually sober for once (despite smuggling some angel dust into the place, I did not smoke it) and yet still, I barely remember anything! We missed almost all of Nicki Minaj’s set, though I did like seeing all these hot kids in homage cotton-candy hair everywhere (I kept chasing them to take their pictures):
But back to the Britney show. She performed ALL of my favorite songs -- well, except not “Break The Ice,” or “Stronger,” or my VERY obscure favorite, “Amnesia” (oh, if you haven’t heard it you will LOVE it!). She brought back that sexy ballad “Don’t Let Me Be The Last To Know” ; she performed “Gimme More” (she didn’t on her Circus tour – it was too close to that VMA performance that everyone hated and I remain obsessed with).
She sang my current favorite “I Wanna Go” (“I – I – I – WANNA – GO – GO – GO – ALL – THE – WAY – AY -- AY!”) and the finale was “Keep On Dancing ‘Til The World Ends” – SO effing fun! WHO DOESN’T OBSESSIVELY LOVE BRITNEY SPEARS?! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO!
Anyhow, we all know that Britney is ridic rich, and while a lot of it has come from these tours, much of her cash is also revenue from her perfumes, which are licensed by Elizabeth Arden. Her perfumes are WILDLY, HUGELY popular, dudes.
I mean, I remember years and years ago when I was an intern in the beauty department of Glamour magazine and I had to count the handwritten ballots -- THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF THEM -- for their annual “Glammy” awards. I did this two years in a row, and Britney Spears CURIOUS -- her debut scent -- swept the “favorite department store” fragrance category both times. People are obsessed!
And not undeservedly so. Britney’s fragrances are GOOD. NO, they are not effing Hermés, okay? The bottles look like they’re for 9-year-olds who need everything covered in exquisite fake jewels, and every scent -- every last one, God bless her -- has loads of vanilla.
Which is exactly why I love them. And ONE of them in particular:
Britney Spears Midnight Fantasy! HELLS YEAH. It smells like blackberries and vanilla and basically that’s it, and it’s AWESOME. Have you ever smelled it? I LOVE. I wear it ALL OF THE TIME.
I mean, Britney Spears could come out with a perfume that smelled like Chinatown in August (I made a BIG mistake yesterday walking through there, let me tell you) and I’d still promote it to death on this site just because I love the woman so much, but this perfume is truly wonderful. Get it, worship it, spray it all over yourself and your dog. If you don’t have a dog, spray it all over your father. I don’t know. Use it as Mace! Your mugger will be so thrilled that he'll spontaneously make out with you. Wait, that would make him vaguely a rapist. ANWAY -- ooh, it’s so delicious!
What’s your favorite Britney Spears song? Moment? Look? Fragrance? IT’S OPEN BRITNEY FORUM IN THE COMMENTS SECTION, BITCHES. GO!