I Regularly Serve Drake Eyebrows to the Kids And You Are Just Going to Have to Deal

FYI: When it comes to brows, bigger is always better in my book.

Sep 18, 2012 at 2:00pm | Leave a comment

First things first: If that title confused you, please watch THIS amazing video before you continue reading. Feel free to fast forward to the 0:56 mark if you don't have a full two minutes to spare, but you really want to spare those two minutes for the entire video because Kid Fury is fucking hysterical. Please and thank you.

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Don't let these big, bright doe eyes fool you--she bites.

As a beauty editor, it's my job to look perfectly put together at all times, whether I'm walking into a business meeting in Midtown, or stumbling out of a grungy, grody dive bar in Hackney. For me, my low-maintenance process of looking picture perfect involves the following:

  1. Evening out my skin tone with foundation and concealer so that I look naturally gorgeous
  2. Painting my lips a stunning shade of cranberry crimson because it's my signature
  3. Beefing my brows the fuck up because they're disgustingly thin and thirsty and starving

Yes, I used the word "disgustingly," as I have serious contempt for scrawny eyebrows. It's a personal primping preference -- I've long thought that bigger brows were more beautiful on everyone, but especially me. Take a look at the picture above. See that five-head? It would straight up deepthroat and SWALLOW a pencil-thin pair. Plus, I believe fat, squared-off, masculine brows better frame the face, and help you come across as being a bit more serious, and, dare I say it -- more powerful.

Now, that shouldn't suggest that I have any sort of deep-rooted feminist stance on eyebrows per se, as in this article referring to a recent study done by a team at the University of Southern California. Here's the synopsis:

  • Women try to look more masculine as they embrace the 'lowbrow' look and even turn to surgery to achieve it.
  • The ideal youthful female eyebrow is gradually becoming lower and flatter than it used to be, making it less different from the male eyebrow.
  • Women subconsciously opt for masculine brows as they compete with men in the workplace.
  • It has to do with the increasing equality of the sexes.

In short, I call bullshit. Can't a girl just love fat-ass eyebrows? Why do we have to want to be like men because we like a little extra hair up there? We're done here.

Actually, we're not. I've already shared details on my favorite budget eyebrow kit, so now it's time for you to learn how to use it. THIS is a great tutorial, but if you're bold enough to construct -- yes, construct -- yourself a pair of big-ass brows much like mine, then THIS is the tutorial for you.

Be sure to tweet photos to @IndiaJewelJax when you're done!