How To Feel Fresh When Bikram Class Isn't The Only Place You Sweat Like Crazy

I'm not a whore, and I don't go to church, but I sure have sweated like one at one.
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Publish date:
March 27, 2013
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Tags:
feet, hair, skin, hands, Smashbox, wipes, sweating, primer, deodorant, Earth Therapeutics

My 5’5, 110-pound mother sweats in snow, and so did my late grandmother. My brother sweats through his shirt in five minutes when you ask him about his post-university plans. And just like the rest of my family, it doesn’t take a lot for my skin to start glistening and hair to get matted to the back of my head like I’ve had a lying-on-my-back marathon (you know I'm not that kind of girl).

It’s not a recent development. When I was in school, I had a Hello Kitty hankie with me that would serve as the barrier between my writing hand and my exam papers, so as not to soak them.

I had a teacher who was convinced I had a cheat sheet between the little hankie and confiscated it many times, and poor little Faz had crying fits because her sweaty little hands soaked the math paper she didn’t want to fail. (The same teacher made racist remarks at me when I was nine. Go figure.)

Thankfully, I don’t write on paper anymore. I've also learned how to manage my sweaty self. Here’s how.

UNDERARMS

When you’ve done on-camera gigs with a cesspit of sweat, you’re way beyond the point of embarrassment. Of course, I like to pretend I’m still a classy little bitch under all that sweat, so I turn to Perspirex.

After I’m done showering, I dry my pits with a towel, and then with Kleenex before applying it. You have to make sure your pits are completely dry before rolling this on, and then leave your arms overhead until it dries. This means my mornings involve my lying naked on my bed with one arm overhead and the other arm maneuvering a blowdryer to my pits to dry them quicker.

FACE

Since your face is going to be post-coital-glowy anyway, I start my makeup regimen with Smashbox’s Photo Finish Foundation Primer, which gives a matte finish. An itty bitty amount goes a long way. I don’t shine, I sweat, so those oil-absorbing sheets don’t do anything for me; instead, I pack baby wipes. How many xoVainers and xoJaners have raved about the importance of baby wipes? I won’t event start to count, but there’s a reason why wipes have a permanent place in my bag even though I don’t have a baby.

HAIR

Other than a dry shampoo or an actual shampoo, there’s not much I can do to my hair so it doesn't look like I've been ambushed by sprinklers. This is why I usually have some hair ties to pull it up into a chic ponytail, or in dire circumstances, a messy low bun until I can find somewhere to hose myself down.

HANDS & FEET

The good thing is my hands and feet don’t perspire as much as they used to when I was a kid, but Earth Therapeutics’ Tea Tree Oil Foot Spray does wonders for those with sweaty, stinky feet. Spritz it directly onto your feet or in your shoes.

Now, fellow sweaty Rosettis, tell me your anti-sweaty secrets.