Another Bright Idea For Broke Bitches: Sexist Razor Edition

Well, they're all expensive whether or not they're made from steel or tactile pink matter. Here's how to make them last longer.
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Publish date:
May 14, 2013
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Tags:
hair removal, shaving, bargains, razors, improvising, jeans, stropping

I'm sexist when it comes to razors. Actually, I think that the razor manufacturers are sexist. Why do dicks get the heavy-duty metal handles and infomercial-grade slicing action while chicks get pink plastic pussy blades?

I actually don't even know if the chick blades are lower-quality. I just assume so, because the men's razors are freaking TERRIFYING. I want to have an underlying fear that I might cut into an artery when I'm removing that peach fuzz on my upper thigh. I want the sheer number of blades to intimidate the hell out of my pubes.

A common factor between all razors is that they're expensive like whoa. Like, you're paying around $9 for three glorified Bics in assorted tropical colors. It's hard to justify this expense when I don't really care about regular body hair removal, or anything right now, for that matter. (Where are you, apocalypse? I'm ready.)

But isn't it mega-annoying when you do need a good shave and your razor is dull and crusty? What are you going to do, not shave? Horrifying! People will keep their distance. And judge you. I'll have to check, but I'm pretty sure you're not even allowed to claim woman status with visible body hair.

Right now I'm using Gillette's Fusion ProGlide and it's dope. I like the heaviness, and while I haven't drawn blood--yet--I do turn a nice shade of nervous every time I glide it up my shins.

I'm dreading the day that it dulls out on me. Because I know rather than running the errand required to get more razors, I'll spend a few more months just dealing with shaving and reshaving any hairs that the dull head missed. And armpit stubble. Or maybe say "eff it" and epilate again. I actually prefer epilating or waxing to shaving. My laziness prefers shaving. No, it prefers epilating or waxing, but not initially. I don't really know what I want anymore.

Anyway, you can extend the life of your razor (it varies, but most people agree that it doubles), by "stropping" it on a pair on jeans. Stropping is razor terminology for cleaning it--the small buildup makes the edge dull and jagged overtime, so removing this regularly will indirectly allow you two more vodka sodas or a pack of Parliaments anywhere outside of New York or Washington state (but you really shouldn't smoke--I actually do not smoke cigarettes), and, more importantly, save you a trip to CVS, where you'll probably drop another $9 on nail wraps.

Here's how it's done:

Seriously, what's the longest time you've actively used a razor? I've definitely been the houseguest that's used my friends' razors for, like... well I've used their razors and we'll leave it at that. I'm really sorry.