Oh, don't pretend like you don't have one!
So according to The Huffington Post, the number-one makeup trend for 2013 was…
Guys, I feel like makeup is in a bit of a slump right now. I’m worried that we’re getting stuck in a basic beige “natural” rut. The minimal look is great and everything, but I’m tired of clear mascara and nude lipstick, you know? Let’s bring back some fun, awesome, creative makeup!
Lipstick is fantastic. You guys know that I love it. But I think we can do better than that for the top trend of the new year.
So here are 14 things I’d like to see be the hot beauty trend of 2014.
If episodes of Fawlty Towers are accurate--and you know I think they are--there was a period in time where everyone was wearing wigs ALL THE TIME. They were so much easier than doing your own hair! Travelling was a breeze! Plus, check out Sybil’s awesome updo. That’s not possible with your own hair.
But let’s do more than just wear wigs--let’s get creative with them. Marie Antoinette and her ladies wore birdcages and wooden ships in theirs, and I am 100% positive that we could improve on that. Let’s make 2014 the year of the amazing wig!
Forget nail art. Let’s spend ages drawing small designs on our lips, only to have them come off when we smooch our dates. The impermanence makes it beautiful; the need to constantly touch it up makes it a gold mine.
I was thinking what kinds of patterns I would want on my lips. Flowers, probably. Maybe a chic houndstooth print for colder weather. Beetlejuice stripes, too, probably. Maybe a map of Middle-earth for when I’m feeling nerdy (all the time).
2013 was the year of the colourful mermaid hair and bold (yet neutral) brows. I say this year we reverse the trend. Let’s all start wearing crazy-bright gradient brows while keeping our hair “natural” colours!
I’ll be honest: this was originally meant to be kind of a joke. But I am SUPER INTO THIS LOOK NOW. All I did was dampen an angled brush and apply hot pink eyeshadow over my brows, then turquoise at the end, joining them up in the middle at the arch with a bright purple. With a kind of minimal face, I can definitely see myself wearing this--or something like it--out into my life.
Come on, guys.
The Death of Contouring
From an artistic standpoint, I looooooove me a good contour. But it’s gone too far. I don’t know what anyone looks like anymore, and I’m starting to forget how light actually works when it hits the human face.
I am not sure why or when this became part of the “normal” way to do your makeup, because serious contouring is WAY TOO MUCH and WAY TOO COMPLICATED for everyday life. It’s essentially stage makeup. Unless you’re worried you might suddenly have to perform in an opera on your way home from the bar, I think we should all collectively vote to tone it down a little in 2014.
I was a teenager in the the late '90s-early 2000s, and so I remember first-hand the agony and the ecstasy of having glitter all over your life. And it isn’t like I want to slather my entire head in sparkly gel again (you guys already know how that worked out...) but I’d love if subtle glitter made a comeback as a mainstream beauty trend in the New Year.
I’m not talking heaps of it...just a little bit of glitter along the tops of the cheekbones to really catch the light. I’m wearing a bit of silver here because it kind of blends in to my skin tone, but you can pick whichever colour you like best.
After all, everyone is more beautiful when they’re sparkly. That’s just science.
Whatever Is Going On Here
This was me in my freshman year of college. When I said I basically majored in eyeshadow, you can see I wasn’t kidding. Brb, wearing this to the grocery store.
Anna Wintour Bobs
I know, it’s a classic, it never went anywhere--but hear me out. According to my very unscientific poll, do you know what is the most popular ladies’ haircut out here in the Midwest?
I mean, I’ll be real--I had a longer, wavier, non-stripy variation of the Kate Gosselin myself (with bangs) back in 2004. But that was 2004! We need to move on, adult women.
Let’s look to other stylish women with short hair that we can emulate.
The power bob is classic and timeless. You can wear it and look incredible at any age. You can work bangs or no bangs, center parted, deep parted, zig-zag parted. I’m kidding about the last one; please don’t do that. And you may think me biased as I have a bob now, but this is such a versatile and awesome haircut on everyone.
I realise that I’m one of the worst offenders when it comes to finding a neutral brown-taupe rut and staying in it, but we have GOT to get some colour back onto our eyelids! This 90s grunge minimalism thing has been fun, but I’m ready to bring back some fun colours for my eyeballs again.
If you go bright on the eyes, you probably want to go softer on the lips. Revlon’s Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain in Honey is a great way to add a little colour to your lips without competing with brighter eyes, as is Clinique’s Almost Lipstick in Black Honey.
I know I’m always telling you guys not to be too matchy-matchy. But I am so tired of totally neutral makeup that I could scream, and I am willing to go to all sorts of extremes to counterbalance it.
Beige eyeshadow with beige lips. OK. How about green eyeshadow and green lips? Or orange and orange? ANYTHING that’s more interesting than nothing-on-nothing. If you want to be super on-trend for spring--and let’s face it, who doesn’t--keep the eyeshadow in a defined shape, rather than blending it out.
In the 17th century, fancy people in Europe would apply little black “beauty marks” to cover up the ravages of smallpox. By the 18th century, these patches, sometimes called mouches, had evolved from pox-camouflage into a beauty statement--people would wear them in different shapes, and send secret messages with their placement. If you lived in France and wanted to tell people that you were kissable, you’d place your patch near the corner of the mouth. Whereas if you wanted to encourage people to come flirt with you, you’d wear it under your mouth. Neat, right?
I say, let’s bring these back. I want to wear a little black star under my eye and tell the world that I really enjoy French bread, or draw a tiny crescent moon on my cheekbone to tell everyone to come talk to me about The Returned. I love secret messages, and I love sticking things on my face. This could be perfect.
Anyone else have that thing where they’ve totally run out of space in their makeup case, and now an entire Sephora’s worth of cosmetics is strewn all over their vanity, desk and in bags on the floor?
Me neither. *shifty eyes*
It isn’t like I don’t love all of my stuff--I do. But I think that a lot of makeup sticks with the very basic, and dare I say, flimsy packaging. I’m so sick of eyeshadows and lipsticks splitting open in my bag, I could cry. I want to see companies step their game up.
In 2013, we made a great start at this: How cute are the Revlon Lip Butters, with their quilted cases?
And at the other end of the price spectrum, Lipstick Queen’s Velvet Rope lip colours come in amazingly gorgeous, HEAVY golden cases.
Can we see more of this? I want to show off my makeup, and thoughtful, gorgeous packaging makes me more likely to do that.
Vintage Perfumes... Or At Least Their Advertising
No, I don’t mean from the 1800s. I mean from my childhood. Where’s Exclamation perfume’s advertising campaign now? I ASK YOU.
Come on, fragrance companies. Step your ad game up. We can do SO MUCH BETTER than Charlize Theron stomping murderously down a runway while uncanny-valley versions of classic movie stars borrow her perfume. We could have male voice overs asking weird questions, and people in vinyl pants gyrating weirdly!
Let’s be real, though: the Exclamation ads were way better than the fragrance itself. If anyone can tell me why I bathed in it when I was 12, I’ll give them a million dollars.
I know what you’re thinking: ALLE, THIS ISN’T A FASHION LIST. But hear me out! Right before New Year’s, the unthinkable happened: my pinky nail cracked off out of nowhere, meaning I had to file down all of my previously long, beautiful fingernails.
Oh, how I wept.
Enter: gloves. Not only would gloves protect my nails from the rest of my clumsy self, but if I broke one, I wouldn’t immediately HAVE to file the rest down. Because who’s going to see them? I HAVE GLOVES ON.
Just kidding, I am far too obsessive to have one short and nine long nails. But think about all the great beauty options--match your lipstick to your gloves! Co-ordinated nail polish and kid gloves! Personally, I’d want a pair custom-dyed to match my blush. You guys know that I worship at the altar of NARS blush in Desire.
So you’ve probably noticed that this list was about 40% humour and 60% serious suggestion, but now I want to hear from you guys: what non-boring beauty trends do YOU want to see in 2014? Make them as elaborate or impractical as you like! Personally, I really enjoyed the neon brows. Will you join me in making it a full-blown trend this year?