Five Days Of Tent-Pitching Pigtails: Day Two

Lara Stone pretended to be the Dutch “girl next door” in some editorial and it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.

Lara Stone is the sexiest human in existence. I DARE someone to say otherwise. T Magazine thought it would be funny to pretend that anybody would ever live next door to her in some editorial, which, look, would never happen to anybody--ever. HA! I scoff at the thought.

I mean, it probably happened when she was younger, but being Dutch and all, her neighbors were most likely a windmill and some tulips. And now she’s married to some billionaire astronaut/lion tamer and they definitely don’t have neighbors. They’re perfect, unfathomably so. Their compound probably has neighboring cities, but it’s a pipedream to think she’d hop on over in some clogs and a short-sleeve sweater to ask for a cup of sugar. Also, HAS ANYBODY EVER DONE THAT?

(I think, if you ever find yourself needing to do that, you should probably bring your own measuring cup and Tupperware or bowl or something so as not to further put out your nice neighbor. FYI, I don’t even have any sugar in my apartment because, as a big-time beauty editor, I subsist solely on $11 juices and gluten-free croutons.)

They threw her hair up in some sloppy-ass pigtails, which I’m not saying is a bad thing at all. It’s sexy not to try. You’re cool if you don’t try. But, you know, you gotta try not to try. Does that make sense? No? Then you’ll never get it--let’s move along.

One of the most interesting things about this look was it actually gave purpose to those really thick hair elastics. I decided at fifteen that the thick elastics were only appropriate for unrefined cavewomen, not dainty sophisticates like myself who use nothing but the thin variety, although clear tiny rubber bands are preferred whenever possible.

The other great thing about her pig tails are that they work for a disgusting (yet still dainty and sophisticated) slob like myself who goes days without bathing, let alone washing my hair. NYC hair grease, I’m finding, is much different than Austin hair grease. I think it’s the oils dispersed through food cart aromas, right?

Anyways, it’s not rocket science. You just need take those thick-ass hair elastics, preferably in a nice color that contrasts with your hair, and wrap them in. Backcomb the lengths with your trusty mini Mason Pearson for some texture, but don't, like, try while you're doing this. I really like the shot where she has two on one side and one on the other, ‘cause that’s, like, trying to not try to the extreme, thus the ultimate in sexy and cool.

Now just throw on your favorite short-sleeved sweater and that’s it! Or, “Dat is het!” if you’re an outrageously sexy Dutch supermodel.