More Tiny Stuff To Not Not Stick In Your Hair

Think flower crowns for grown-ass women!

Ever since you weirdos freaked about the dinobraid, I've been keeping my eye out for other tiny stuff that's not supposed to go in hair, but that's going to anyway.

I haven't done a flower crown since I was a sexy Dia de los Muertos skeleton on Halloween 2010. Maybe it's because I'm entirely unadventurous, or because flower crowns are, like, one step below a Cherokee war bonnet in the "LOOK AT ME, DAMMIT!" category on ASOS.

I even remember thinking that the crown in Pretty Pretty Princess was mega tacky and that Max from Where The Wild Things Are was kind of a douche. But I also wear a fringed sparkly rodeo jacket around like it's navy chambray, and exploit my scraggly unibrow as the one thing that makes this Nilla Wafer unique and interesting, so take all of my criticisms in stride, Rookies.

It was in the miniatures section at the art store that I found these:

Lots of idea thoughts happen to me throughout the day, most of which I forget or remember to write in whichever Note happens to be open in my phone, and then proceed to forget. But there was something about the concept of miniatures that excited me. Like all, "AND ON THE FIFTH DAY, OUR GOOD LORD ANNIE CHRIST SAID LET THE EARTH BRING FORTH THE LIVING CREATURE AFTER HER KIND, CREEPER THINGS OR WHATEVER. AND IT WAS SO," while I sprinkle these guys all over my Spanish-mossed cardboard landscape. "AND ON THE SIXTH, LET THERE BE INDUSTRY AND CAPITALISM. AND HOLIDAY ACCESSORIES! AND IT WAS GOOD." Also it's not like they can't go in your hair.

So I braided my hair--this time in a milkmaid-type crown--and just stuck dudes in. They're made of wire wrapped in paper, they grip into braids really well without any sort of extra fastening. And they don't scream flower crown, which I like.

This style works best, as all updos do, with dirty three-day-old hair. Just braid low pigtails at the backs of your ears, temporarily securing the ends with clips or whatever's closest. Cross one braid over the other at the back of your head as you wrap them around the sides, until the ends meet at your center part. (Keep in mind that my hair reaches to my middle back, this method won't work for shorter lengths.)

Insert bobby pins parallel to the braid so that their ends won't stick out.

Take the fasteners off the ends and tie these sections around each other like the first step of tying a shoelace. Pull to tighten, and weave any excess length into the braid to hide.

Insert more bobby pins until secure, and spray this middle top section with hairspray for more hold.

Add yer mini sunflowers, tulips, cherry blossom branches, bikes or whatever else seems like a good idea at the time. I'll have you know that not one but two teenagers complimented me.