GUILTY BEAUTY: 3 Products for Self-Absorbed Bitches Like Me Who Still Haven't Donated to Japan

I know, I know. I hate me too.

May 24, 2011 at 11:32am | Leave a comment

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OK, so last week in the New York Post I read about how Japanese women are producing radioactive breast milk. Dude, I got so turned on. NO; kidding. I was horrified. WTF -- radioactive breast milk? So scary.

I also felt guilty. Truth be told, I was in a rawther rocky period of my personal life when the Japanese earthquake and subsequent nuclear fiascos went down. That is to say I didn't exactly pay tons of attention to everything that was going on.

Oh, fine. I didn't pay a medium amount of attention either. OK, I actually didn't pay any attention at ALL to the disaster in Japan! I didn't read the papers or read news online. Did I watch CNN? Pffft.  I didn't even watch Hoda and Kathie Lee, my #2 news source after the New York Post! Yup, I was really sick.

And I totally didn't donate any money. I even didn't retweet on my Twitter account when people I followed posted links to visit to donate money and asked me to. What was wrong with me? How could I have tuned out like that for so long?

Well, let me tell you. I was holed up playing Kurt and Courtney with a super-charming and intoxicatingly narcissistic DJ fling, recreationally taking his Oxycontin. Chemical romance: It's intense, and when you're in one, nothing else matters. Even Japan. It's why I don't do pills anymore.Yeah. The oxycontin thing was bad. (awkward writer-to-reader silence)

Err, anyhow. What was this story supposed to be about? Oh, my guilt. First of all, I WILL donate money once I get paid by the good people at Say Media (ahem). Secondly, I am gonna use my, uh, power position in the glamour industry here to convince you to buy the fantastic beauty products below -- my three favorites out of a selection of many donating proceeds or a portion of proceeds to the relief effort. Without adieu:

SUPER-CUTE (AND ULTRA-EFFECTIVE) BLOTTING PAPERS

Boscia will donate 10 percent of the sales of these beautiful limited edition Green Tea Blotting Linens to the American Red Cross's Japan relief efforts. Yo, I KNOW these blotting papers! They've always on my radar, because beauty editors are obsessed with them, specifically my former colleagues in the Lucky beauty department (and God knows, Lucky beauty editors know products better than anyone). Even if these didn't support Japan, I'd be demanding that you obey me and buy them. Now BUY THEM.

ALL-NATURAL AND CRAZY-GOOD-SMELLING SOAP

Jane, who never asks me for beauty products (I just force them on her -- "Try this!", or creepily leave them on her desk) actually does ask for Lush products to take home when they come into the office -- little Charlotte is a fan, too, and trust me, the girl knows what she likes and does not like.

Anyway, this Japanese-flag-looking thing is called the Rising Sun and Body Soap. It smells like cherries and gets extra-sudsy like all Lush soaps; plus, it's only $6, and all profits go to a nonprofit called Peace Boat currently aiding Japan post-earthquake. Buy one. Buy 10! Everyone loves a hunk of soap, no?

GLAMOROUS DEODORANT THAT LOOKS ALL 'RICH BITCH'-CHIC IN YOUR BATHROOM (ARE YOU INTO THAT? ...NO? I GUESS JUST ME.)

Isn't this just the prettiest thing? Hanae Mori Paris 'Butterfly' Deodorant Stick. I want to own it just to have it in my bathroom. It's $22, but it's truly the product of a perfumer, who created it for the famous Japanese designer Hanae Mori. Which means that while it's not an anti-perspirant, it is incredible-smelling: like blackberries, jasmine, rose and a bunch of other things I have written into fragrance captions my entire career and yet have no concept of how they truly smell, like bilberry and ylang-ylang.

I love a perfumer's deodorant OVER my usual Dove Go Fresh Anti-Perspirant, actually -- the effect is that of a lovely fragrance-wafting-mysteriously-from-your-body, as though prenaturally. I picked this product also because, as I said, I think rich bitch deodorant is chic, but anything you buy on the Hanae Mori site benefits Japan disaster relief. So go to town.

Alright. There's a lot here. Discuss it all. Don't be shy. I'll write back! And you can shame me. GO.