Usually, when you visit someone’s apartment, common themes occur. Some people have a thing for antique tea cups, some people clearly have a thing for fruit or ducks, but if you were to visit my place right this minute, you would notice a large number of objects that contain Greek yogurt. Like, you’d open the fridge: Greek yogurt. Open the medicine cabinet and there are Greek yogurt-based items in there. Makeup drawer has Greek yogurt based items. Even my nightstand has a Greek yogurt based item on it.
Remember in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Nia Vardalos’ father believed everything could be cured by spraying Windex on it? That’s kind of how I feel about Greek yogurt.
Clearly, the first use is eating it. I hate eating breakfast (I consider giant plates of turkey bacon and a spoonful of Nutella "making an effort"), so whatever I eat has to literally take about a minute or two to prepare and it has to be yummy. A friend of mine introduced me to Greek yogurt topped with a tablespoon of honey and some berries or seedless grapes.
I think I’ve eaten that for breakfast for almost nine months straight with little variation. It’s protein-based, nutrient-dense and packed with calcium, potassium, zinc, and vitamins B6 and B12. PLUS, it contains probiotic cultures, is lower in lactose, AND has twice the protein of regular yogurt.
It's a wonder what some proper food in the morning will do. I won’t rip your head off in line at Starbucks when the barista asks what you want and you suddenly act as if you’ve just arrived from Middle Earth and you’ve never seen a menu before. I’ll secretly hate you, but I’ll rage in silence and let you get your shit together. You can thank Greek yogurt for that.
There are so many other uses for this hydrating vat of goodness. I learned to slather it on sunburns over the summer when I forgot to reapply sunscreen to my shoulders on an overnight trip to the Hamptons. The next morning, I smeared some cold yogurt on my shoulder and the sting slowly subsided.
This led me to putting it on my face for an impromptu facial, and it left my skin incredibly smooth from the lactic acid. I’ve now been known to drop dollops into my bath. My skin is so smooth it feels like cherubs fell from the sky and rubbed their chubby cheeks on me. Try it. It’s amazing.
I’ve also been a long-time believer in eating yogurt to balance out the yeast in your body, and someone told me that she once slipped a tampon covered in Greek yogurt into her body to stop a yeast infection. You know I had to try this and damned if it didn’t work. Do I normally slide food-based objects into my body? Nope, but when faced with a screaming yeast infection and a quick solution that didn’t require me to receive why-you-botherin’-me attitude from the local drugstore cashier, I took the path of least resistance and took care of business.
My love of all things Greek yogurt also extends to the beauty brands, and no one does it better than Korres, which has the magical Greek Yoghurt Advanced Nourishing Sleeping Facial. The Sleeping Facial helps gently hydrate your face at night while it gently exfoliates, giving you a morning-after complexion that can usually only be achieved after a night of toe-curling sex. If you can slip the Sleeping Facial on BEFORE having mind-blowing sex, you may create a whole new skin category of luminosity since you’ll possibly glow in the dark. Let’s all try it and see what happens.
Between curing burns, yeast infections, preventing rage blackouts and generally helping all things gorgeous skin, I’m a longtime fan of Greek yogurt. If you come to my house, I may not spray you with Windex, but if you have dry skin, you’re hungry or you have some yeast-based malady (and you want to talk about it, which is CLEARLY a personal choice), I will most likely foist some form of Greek yogurt on you. You’ve been warned.
What about you? Do you have some other kind of magical food that cures everything in your life? Let’s discuss.