It’s no secret that xoJane is a hotbed of intelligent hotties with rampant daddy issues, and this one is no different! Well, Father’s Day is almost upon us, and if you’re like me (which, let’s hope you are not) you almost always nearly forget this holiday, and are left scrambling to find a gift that won’t say “Sorry I almost forgot Father’s Day, here’s something that I picked up at the drugstore on the way over to your house.”
Everyone makes such a big deal about Mother’s Day, and rightfully so, but Father’s Day can be easily overlooked, right? Or is that just me? Omg.
This is my dad's BMX jersey from when he was a teenager. He was, like, the nation's first, best BMXer of his age group or something. I would have been able to fact check that if, god forbid, I would have returned his call from last week.
Also, Father’s Day is the perfect time to show your parents that you are a functioning and worthwhile member of society. I always make sure to lace my parents up when it comes to holidays such as this. Like, “I know you think I don’t have my shit together, but I make a lot of money so here’s a fantastic gift. Please love me.”
This article is giving me anxiety.
ANYWAY. I’m a guy, so I DO IN FACT know a lot about men’s products. Here are some that you should buy for your father so you will finally get the fatherly approval that you have so long been thirsting for.
I hate shaving. My skin gets irritated, you have to do it, like, all the time, and it’s expensive! The refills for the razors I used to use were $14, which I know is not that much, but humor me. Spending $14 a few times a month on boring razors when I should be spending money on gold chains and precious gems is a real buzzkill. But all of that changed when I found Dollar Shave Club.
Dollar Shave Club a monthly subscription that sends razors right to your man’s door, for a LOT less than he’d be paying normally at the drugstore. There are three razors
to choose from: The Humble (two blades), which is $1 for five cartridges per month, The 4x (four blades), $6 for four cartridges, and the Executive (six blades), $9 for three cartridges.
I was VERY skeptical at first, because once I find a razor that works for me, I won’t ever switch, but I thought I’d give this a try. I signed up for the Executive, the one with six blades, and I am crazy happy with the results! The razor is as good as, if not better than, the one I was buying at the drugstore, and for nearly half the price! Plus, now that I don’t have to worry about remembering to restock, I somehow have acquired a ton of extra razors so I never have to worry about running out, which was an initial concern about only having three cartridges per month.
How about another subscription?
Daisy already told you about the slayage that is Birchbox
, but did you know there’s a Birchbox Man?
Birchbox Man is the same concept as the women’s Birchbox, but with a little something added. Instead of being simply sample of beauty products for $10 a month, for $20 you get a couple “grooming” products (I don’t think you can use the word “beauty” when talking to dumb boys) and a couple “lifestyle” products, more accessory-ish items, things your man can use instead of just wear on his face.
I opened my mailbox this week and *CLUNK*, out fell my first Birchbox Man! YAS! Mine was filled with a shave gel, a bar of soap, an amazing lemon face scrub that smells like a craft cocktail, some other shit, and these ridiculous socks!
Life is too short to match your socks.
They gave me two different pairs, but I am wearing one of each.
(Also these would normally run you $12 a pair and they sent me two. Hello bargain!)
Who buys themselves cool socks? Not me. Thanks, Birchbox Man!
Everyone loves samples, duh. All of mine are big enough to really get some mileage out of, but small enough to use up before my new ones come next month, which is a bonus since they won’t clutter up my bathroom which is already overflowing with beauty products. And it’s super fun that they include accessories and “lifestyle products,” too. I’M HOPING FOR A FLASK!
Basically what I’m trying to tell you all by recommending two subscription services is that I really just like getting packages in the mail.
How about a nice shower gel?
When I’m buying gifts, I like to buy nice things that people normally wouldn’t buy for themselves. I mean, why spring for a more pricey shower gel when you can get a perfectly good one at the drug store? BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT is what I always say.
I don’t think I’ll ever buy a body wash from anywhere other than Lush ever again. Their scents are fantastic, which is great, but there is a noticeable difference in the softness of your skin from the moment that you use their shower gels, and that’s what made me fall in love.
So we’ve already established my love for grapefruit
, which is indeed the bitchiest fruit. And now we have a grapefruit shower gel! SLAY!
I don’t really believe in aromatherapy and the whole concept of scents revitalizing your mind and stuff, but if I did then I would tell you that the zingy grapefruit scent totally wakes me up on my groggiest of mornings. I suppose I’m not saying it doesn’t wake me up, I’m just saying that coffee works better. BUT I will say that the body wash is packed with pungent and tangy grapefruit paired with bergamot oil (bergamot is my main bitch) for a juicy and mouthwatering shower ~*experience*~. Also it’s perfect for summer.
And since I love talking about fragrances:
A fragrance from a car company? I know, stay with me. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
So my dad loves Porsches, and my plan is, when I suddenly get famous from pulling some shameful and outrageous stunt and sky rocketing to my 15 minutes of fame before burning out from the harsh glare of overexposure and then going swiftly bankrupt, to do a couple of things -- a few of which are:
- Land my own fragrance deal: TYNAN –- by Tynan
- Buy my dad a Porsche.
I may not be able to afford a Porsche right now, but I can afford Titan, the new fragrance by Porsche Design Studio. A happy medium if there ever was one.
When I read that the top notes of this scent were grapefruit, spearmint, and black pepper, I thought to myself, “Hmm, what a conundrum of a scent.” (Also, more grapefruit, YAAAS! I didn’t even plan that!) Grapefruit, spearmint, and black pepper are all some of my very favorite scents, but I didn’t think they’d play nicely when combined.
How wrong I was! It is initially a little sweet when first sprayed, but throughout the first hour of wear, the spearmint and black pepper emerge to calm down the sweetness. The spearmint adds a green coolness and the pepper adds a sharp, clean, precise depth. The black pepper note, if you will, smells like the period at the end of a sentence. As it wears, middle notes of basil and geranium balance the fragrance with a soft, floral vibe, and wood and musk anchor it all at the base. Titan wears nicely all day and is, in my opinion, a big RISK of a fragrance that is a lot more original than a lot of what’s being turned out on the fragrance counters today.
I wore it home for Christmas right before I gave it to my dad to see if my mom liked it, because after all, she’s the one who has to deal with him and his scents, not me!
“Do you like this?” I asked, “I’m giving it to Dad for Christmas, I think.”
“Yeah, it’s nice.” She replied.
“Good, because I kind of think it smells like a gay bar.”
What are you getting your dad for Father’s Day? What should I get my Dad for Father’s Day? I feel like getting him any of this stuff would be a little anticlimactic, since he suffers through each one of my articles.
"Oh, my god, I love your jersey! Where did you get it?"
"Uh, It was my dad's from the 80s."
"Vintage! So adorable! That is the ugliest effing jersey I've ever seen."
Suffer through my tweets: @TynanBuck.