It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I have naturally long, full, beautiful lashes, which is great because I have literally no other redeeming qualities. So I figure, why not take what’s already good about me and make it even better?
Mascara is the obvious choice, but I’ve been there. I have so much mascara that I have a mascara drawer and it’s so full that it doesn’t even shut. Then, falsies. Been there, too. There’s a time and a place for everything, and sometimes, false lashes just aren’t the most convenient. Next, extensions, which I am DYING to get but I just haven’t gotten day drunk enough yet to book an appointment.
So I started looking around for like, lash growth serums to see if that was even a thing. Lucky for me, it was. I got two products which I hoped would give me noticeable results, and unbelievably, they did! So for the past few months, your boy has been applying an eyelash conditioner in the morning, and a lash growth serum at night. I realize that makes me sound bat shit crazy, but that can’t be news to you by now.
So when I hop out of the shower and am all serumed and eye creamed and moisturized, the last step (pre-fragrance) is the Eyelash Fortifier by B. Kamins Laboratories, $90.
$90, lol, I know. If you look around the Internet, you can get it for way cheaper.
The treatment is made with peptides, plant extracts, and multi-vitamins, which help stimulate growth, condition, and protect thin and delicate lashes. You apply it directly to the root of the lashes, which stimulates the hair follicle, helping grow and strengthen your lashes.
The conditioner is housed in a tube about the size of a marker. When you yank the cap off, this odd little applicator stares back at you saying “Betcha can’t figure me out!” It’s like a little rubber spatula. There’s a tube leading from the pen to the rubber tip, but it looks like it just stops halfway through. The obvious solution? Cut it off!
Don’t cut it off. The directions clearly state: “DO NOT CUT OFF TIP” which I realized not a moment too soon, scissors in hand.
To apply, you just twist the opposite end of the applicator until it clicks once or twice, behold, a tiny little bead of lash conditioner emerges.
I wouldn’t call the lash fortifier “thick,” but it has enough body that it’s not going to run off the applicator onto your bathroom floor, nor is it going to move into your eyes. I dab the fortifier on my lash line in the middle of my eyelid, and use the rubbery tip to cover my entire lash line. I then use the tops of my pointer fingers to fluff my lashes a bit, which, in my deranged mind helps push the product into the follicle, and I’m on my way.
Results should be seen in six to eight weeks. I like this product because it not only helps growth, but it strengthens the lashes you already have.
At night, after I’m night creamed and whatever else I decide to assault my face with that particular evening, I reach for Lashes To Die For Turbo Nighttime Eyelash Serum Treatment by Peter Thomas Roth, $85.
While I do not value sleep, I do value the uninterrupted hours it provides to focus on nothing but skincare and sex dreams. You might as well do something to take are of your skin because you’re certainly not doing anything else while you’re asleep.
So when I found a lash serum for nighttime, I felt like I would be doing my eyelashes a disservice by not using it.
This is what really took my lashes to the next level. It stimulates hair through the entirety of the growth cycle enhancing length, thickness, and density. To me, good lashes are full, thick lashes. Within a few weeks, I noticed my lashes had more dramatic thickness and density, which only served as a motivator to keep using the serum so they’d keep getting better and better.
The serum is applied to the lash line using a teeny little brush. Being a serum, it’s very thin, but the brush deposits just enough to evenly apply without feeling like you’re pouring the stuff into your eyes.
For the record, I got both products in my eyes and neither of them burn, nor did they blind me. I’ve heard of the side effects of some lash products is discoloration of the skin along the lash line, but I didn’t experience anything like this, nor do I think that either side effect is specific to these products. I had no weird irritation to my eyes or the skin around my eyes at all.
So, here are my lashes earlier this year, pre-everything:
And here are my lashes and I after using the conditioner and serum:
THE VERDICT? My lashes were already longer than any mere mortals, but there's definitely a bit of added length. Where I really see a difference is in the fullness, density, and volume of the lashes. There are more lashes, they are more evenly spaced, and there are more toward the outer corners where they were once pretty sparse.
I know that using a lash conditioner and a night serum makes me sound like an absolute lunatic, but hey, they really worked! Have you used anything for lash growth? Have you gotten extensions? Tell me about your lashes and your lives in the comments!
Tynan has the best lashes on Twitter @TynanBuck.