Y’all, it’s April! I can’t wait for all this snow to melt and the weather to warm up so I can once again start dressing like a whore.
But spring has a downside, for me at least. Every time the weather becomes more enjoyable, I start to lose my damn mind for maybe like two to three weeks. If there’s a silver lining to any of this, it’s that there is nothing more GLAMOUROUS than a breakdown.
Here’s me as the champagne-wielding crazy last weekend. At least my hair looks good.
I haven’t been getting a whole ton of sleep lately, what with my downward spiral and all, and my dark circles have once again turned up out of the blue, uninvited. I’ve really making an effort to take care of my face lately. A few articles ago, after I mentioned that until recently, I’ve never put very much thought into skincare, my very own father went out of his way to text me, “Jesus, Tynan, even I make sure to use a moisturizer everyday.” WAY HARSH, DAD.
I’m lucky to have pretty decent skin, but you know how it is. I never sleep, I work crazy hours, and it shows on my face. I managed to capture some of the damage as I snapped a picture of the Curtis Kulig sticker I slapped on my phone. Focus on my eyez:
For the past month or so, I’ve been stomping around every department store, Sephora, and Walgreens that I can barge into in order to find some products to combat the war that I am constantly waging on my skin.
A while back, I found myself delightfully out of place in my local hippie pharmacy. After making my way past all of these herbal supplements and clouds of patchouli, I entered their surprisingly large beauty section. Skeptical, I perused the shelves of body washes and shampoos.
I understand that some people prefer beauty products that are all natural (though Marci
over on xoVain would disagree) but I have to say that I like my beauty products synthetic and full of chemicals. I just feel like if my body isn’t naturally producing all of the things that it needs to make me totally gorgeous, then I’m sure as hell not going to find them in nature! Bring on the science.
So I was lingering around the beauty department when the owner came up to me and asked if I needed any assistance.
“How do I get rid of dark circles?” I asked her.
She replied, “Get more sleep.”
“You’re not helping,” I informed her.
When I finally explained that I was looking for a product that wouldn’t make me look so torn up, she recommended the Organic Coffee Bean Caffeine Eye Cream.
WELL. This shit is the business and let me tell you why. The eye cream is loaded with green tea and coffee so it is just full, full, FULL of caffeine, which is a natural anti-inflammatory. Caffeine also stimulates blood circulation, which helps eliminate dark circles from the inside out.
It also contains concentrated anti-aging vitamins, antioxidants, and rosehip oil (which is another thing I’ve been way into lately, also from the hippie pharmacy) to help your eyes feel more nourished and look more awake. Added bonus, it improves your skins elasticity, so the skin around your eyes won’t feel like a ball sack.
Oh, and the smell. The eye cream is full of coffee, so it’s obviously going to smell really good. I’d argue that it actually smells more like graham crackers than it does like your morning cup of coffee, with I am fine with. YUM. The highlight of my morning is always rubbing this stuff all over my face because it just smells so good, and I know that sounded dramatic and queer but you will just have to deal.
Fun fact: Clinique is the most widely used skincare product among frat boys nationwide. Why is this? Because when all those dude-bros come home on breaks with their skin looking a mess, their wealthy suburban moms run right out to their local department store and buy their son everything he needs, but will rarely use to take care of his face.
I was a frat boy, yes, but not one that cared about his skin. I mean, hi, there was vodka to drink. But, every single dude I knew, in all of the frats, had a dresser full of Clinique skincare products.
I have to say that the Even Better Eyes lightweight formula is kind of a dream. It squeezes out a sheer, tan color that is good for all skin tones, and rubs into your skin without any trace of it ever being there. It promises to visibly lighten dark circles while making your skin less transparent. An added bonus, the cooling “massage tip” (omg) works to break up the puffiness around your eyes.
Full disclosure: Not proud of this, but when I first saw this ad for Even Better Eyes:
I thought that the metallic applicator was the actual product. I thought that instead of a sheer cream, it was some incredible-looking liquid metal serum. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? Doesn’t it look like the applicator is actually like, silvery unicorns blood, a la "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone," just pooling out? Unicorn’s blood will make you immortal, and Clinique’s Even Better Eyes will make you LOOK immortal.
This one is for all you drugstore hotties out there. I adore a drugstore product. I love walking into a Walgreens, spending $17 on a moisturizer, a bottle of nail polish, a Vogue and a bag of gummy worms and walking out feeling like a brand new bitch.
And I love grapefruit! It’s my favorite fruit juice to mix with vodka. The bitchiest fruit.
I really like the “Yes To” line, and I’ve been excited to watch it grow the last couple of years. Each fruit or vegetable line promises to fulfill a different aspect of your beauty needs from fighting acne, to lip care, to hair care, to luminosity. Gimmicky? Maybe. Do I care? What do you think?
Yes to Grapefruit Dark Circle Correcting Cream is another lightweight, natural product that diminish the appearance of dark circles in just four weeks. It is filled with Lycopene and fruit acids, which help fade signs of aging, and vitamin C which enhances luminosity. It is by far the creamiest of the three, so a little bit goes a long way with it. It is not oily or greasy and it sinks in to your skin in just a couple of seconds. Plus it’s pink, so it’s cute, which is the main reason to buy any beauty product in the first place. Let’s be real.
SO GUYS. What do you do for dark circles? What about luminosity?
What are you INSPIRED by this spring? My fashion inspirations are as follows: Pretty girls on Tumblr in slouchy T-shirts and beanies. Robin Wright and her flawless wardrobe in House of Cards. Olivia Hall.
Tynan is manic on Twitter @TynanBuck.