It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I’m in the midst of one of my lovely bi-annual episodes of depression (holler if you’re sad!), where I alternate between completely letting myself go while rotting on the couch and self-medicating with products on products on products. I’m talking serums, lotions, potions, and weird lighted masks that might blind me.
Swatching every lipstick and lip liner I own? Been there.
Clipping in my hair extensions and struggling to make a fishtail braid that actually looks like a braid and not an unraveling basket even when I have no intention of stepping into sunlight? Yeah, it’s called Wednesday.
This summer has turned my apartment into a rotisserie oven, making it too hot to do anything other than take lukewarm showers for hours on end. A girl can only sing “Diamonds” by Rihanna on repeat while crying and being pelted by water so many times before itching to add some spice to her routine. Or sugar... or salt. Heh. You’ll see how funny that joke was in a minute.
Guess who rediscovered the magic of massaging granules all over your body crust until the skin disappears and you’re left with brand new, fresh, uncorrupted baby skin… Me! I’m talking about BODY SCRUBS y’all!
When your local beauty supply store is oversaturated with ten million variations of body poufs, loofahs, sponges, sugar scrubs, salt scrubs, and sandpaper, it’s hard to select just one tool for exfoliating. Good thing you have me, huh?
I could go on about exfoliating shower pouf/sponge/blahblahs until my face turned blue, so let’s just focus on scrubs for now, and rule out scrubs that contain microbeads.
Microbeads are bad news.
The tiny pieces of plastic utilized by many cosmetics brands pollute and threaten the marine environment. New York’s Microbead-Free Waters Bill is an amazing first step towards prohibiting the manufacture, sale, and production of micro-beads, but I’m a huge proponent of purchasing power driving the industry. Don’t buy those shits unless you want to be a fish murderer.
The most popular biodegradable alternatives for scrubs are sea salt and sugar. Ah, but which should you pick? For a while I assumed both options were interchangeable, but curiosity-induced research taught me otherwise. Okay, honestly I just used a salt scrub after shaving my legs LIKE AN IDIOT and almost blacked out from the burning. So…
Basically, sugar scrubs are a gentler solution for sensitive skin and/or more frequent exfoliating (AND SHAVING), and the larger granules of salt scrubs provide more intense exfoliation with additional healing qualities – especially Dead Sea salt.
This is the part where I talk about my favorite scrubs and give some shopping recommendations. I won’t go into excruciating detail about each product, because the formulas are fairly similar – oil-based scrubs that are so moisturizing you won’t need to apply a body cream afterwards.
Soap Chérie Dead Sea Salt Scrub in Lavender Patchouli, $35
Can someone remind me what that little hipster mini mall in Williamsburg is called? I bought this girly-sweet scrub at Soap Chérie because the shop girls were offering Lush-esque hand treatments. You know, when they scrub your dirty city paws, rinse, and then give you a minute to be all “OoOoh MaahhHhh GaaWwDD I’MmM sOoO SaAwwWFfTT!”
Mix up the salt chunks (super chunky chunks) and scented oil before going to town in the shower or bath, and then prepare to feel reborn. I really like this for my hands and feet because cuticles go bye bye.
Organic Bath Co. SubLime Organic Body Scrub, $27
I could use my SubLime scrub every other day if I wasn’t worried about wasting product because it makes me feel so soft and pretty. No stirring is required, a cute little wooden spoon is tied to the container, and it smells like SUGAR COOKIES and a little bit of coconut -- lime, not so much. Yum yum yum.
What the hell, here’s another sugar scrub just because I like them better than salt scrubs.
Lalicious Whipped Sugar Body Scrub in Sugar Reef, $35 (for 16 oz)
I have a giant Lalicious peppermint scrub from the holidays that gives me all kinds of life, but more important to note are the tiny 2 oz. baby pots sold for $9.50. Perfect for traveling if you ask me. If Bath & Body Works “Sea Island Cotton” is your jam, your knees will buckle for “Sugar Reef.”
Let’s not forget about your faccia. I wish apricot facial scrubs made less common appearances in drugstore aisles, because the granules cause micro-tears in your pores and skin. Yikes!
Fig + Yarrow Facial Scrub, $22
Fig + Yarrow’s concentrated facial scrub contains a mix of oats, herbs and honey (no salt or sugar this time). I say concentrated, because the jar literally holds only the dry grit that you have to scoop into your palm and mix with water. It’s cool though -- non-abrasive, moisturizing and nicely scented.
That’s all folks. Oh, and since the body scrubs will leave an oily slick residue on the base of your shower or tub, try not to slip and break your neck.
You know the drill, let’s talk about scrubs and stuff in the comments.