HARASS CAT: BEAUTY QUESTIONS FROM MY ANNOYING FRIENDS VIA FACEBOOK Edition

YO, CAN'T YOU BITCHES JUST LET ME LIVE?!

Jun 9, 2011 at 1:02pm | Leave a comment

OKAY, SO. When you're a beauty editor for years and years, your female friends are hugely valuable assets, because they give you story ideas. Which I love.


On the other hand, your female friends, when you are a beauty editor, are also f-ing obnoxious.

Because every day most women walk around with a zillion little beauty questions swirling around in our heads, right? I do!  Why is my chin acne coming back? Should I try Latisse? Who should I go to to cut my bangs -- what sort of bangs should I even GET?  And no, wait, am I seriously thinking about getting bangs?!?! WHAT KIND OF BANGS, THOUGH?! And most chicks, I imagine, turn to the web and magazines for answers.

MY friends and relatives skip the web and magazines completely -- including those publications and websites for which I write and edit beauty content, it seems (ahem) -- and come directly to me. Via every medium of communication possible. YUP. For years now, the bitches in my life have made it rain -- email, text, Facebook, Twitter, iChat. Nonstop!

I usually IGNORE. Quite frankly -- and I've snapped this many charming times at like extended family holiday dinners and things -- as beauty writers go, I'm a damn hotshot when I need to be! You know? Why, I can write (incredibly boring generic but A-list title) magazine beauty stories for $2 a word!

That's right -- a WORD. So this sentence I'm writing now would be worth, like, $22! Now tell me, why should I give handouts when no one gives ME anything?

Whatever, I'm playing nice today because I vaguely like my friends. So I poked through my inboxes for five minutes; I have a zillion of these to find. Today's roundup is just from the past three months in Facebook messages. Read along as I answer!

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Okay; stop f-ing with it, dude! A model would go to a derm and inject it. You can ice it and then put a drying paste on it -- the Proactiv mask, any clay mask will work. Not a salicylic acid spot treatment, which will inflame it more. Then you cover it with something really good like the Bobbi Brown zit concealer in a stick (tiny, has tea tree oil for healing), THEN the crucial thing: get a really really good pressed powder and use a sponge press that shit on there and retouch often. Dust the powder with a a big brush over the rest of your face to match, but to conceal, use a cheap triangle sponge.

If you can get to Givenchy makeup somehow, this pressed powder is BANANAS. ...Well, the packaging changed, but i think it's the same.

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TEA?! Vodka only! Okay, so the best clip-in extensions by FAR are Hair-U-Wear Put-On Pieces. Get the real human hair; clips in many pieces, not a big two-piece waft thing.  Don't know about the white thing though? More on how much I love fake hair later!

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 Okay, so if you're not on some sort of Retin-A, youre a fool. it's literally THE only thing proven to fight acne and wrinkles. See, look: the New York Times says so, so it's official.

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When  I do my roots myself, it's all about the Clairol Perfect 10. So easy and good. Blondes in the chic downtown 'hood where I live are all about it, too. It's sold out in my shade everywhere. Hot bitches know! Next.

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I actually answered this one. Here are Prestige eyeliner pencils. This is the MAC liquid eyeliner I live and die for.

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Proactiv. Differin. Maybe some Kinerase Lotion for moisturizer.

Oh wait; Anna from question one is back...

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ANNA! THIS IS TOO STUPID TO ANSWER! But for the record I like a drying paste like this one by Sonya Dakar -- salicylic acids sort of inflame things more, I find?

That's enough kindness from me for one day. But what are YOUR questions, reader darlings?