I kind of feel like that asshole that has to do stupid things to hang out with the cool kids. Like, let them have a party at your house while your parents are gone, or give them rides everywhere, or lend out your expensive dress for one of them to wear to a formal and not make them pay to have the cum stains removed from the lining and vomit sludge from the train.
Or mention "cum" twice in an the span of two articles and dance around in the closest thing I have to a bikini which is really just a volleyball sports bra (haven't played volleyball since before I needed a sports bra) and a pair of AA outlet bottoms, and give myself ass hickeys just so I can be let back onto xoJane. You know?
So what happened was I did this series of posts on Vain called entitled "The Imminent Robotic Takeover," culminating in an article about this cellulite-reducing machine from Bliss. I'm sorry, but don't you guys want to see how it works? And, I'm sorry, I only kind of have cellulite ON MY ASS REGION.
The whole thing was just too scandalous for Vain. But it's all cool kids, anarchy and cumstains (thrice) over here on xoJane, so here's a video of me vaccumming my ass.