It's gonna get sappy up in here.
I don’t really care whether Mario Lopez's Wikipedia age is accurate. All I know is that I want to make a blanket out of that silky caramel skin, crawl into those dimples, and build a nest. A little bird told me that Mario Lopez visits Paul Labrecque for facials, and blesses his beautiful face with Biologique Recherche skincare products. If these are the two catalysts for immortality, then consider me interested.
Paul Labrecque is a fancy shmancy multi-purpose salon and authorized Biologique Recherche skincare spa that socialites and members of the one-percent frequent for expensive services. Whether you’re getting a haircut, facial, or full body treatment, you will walk out of Paul Labrecque looking like a CGI version of yourself. It’s incredible.
When I was invited to Paul Labrecque for a complimentary service, my first thought was, “YAY! FREE!” My second thought was, “I hope my aesthetician’s hands have touched the skin of celebrities so that I can be a celebrity by association."
I scheduled a Purifying Anti-Acne Facial for “oily, problem acne prone youth skin," which included chemical exfoliation and extractions to scare the mountainous pimples away from my face. Stinging light therapy was involved, but my aesthetician Nina assured me that comfortable facials are ineffective facials.
You can correctly assume that the availability of virtually every beauty product through my job is self-sabotaging. I rotate through so much shit without giving any of it chance to work, and I’m left with confused and irritated skin. I’ve been so frustrated with my breakouts lately, and Nina confirmed my worse fears.
Because my skin is so oily and sensitive, I need to stick to one range of products on a consistent basis to achieve the clarity I want. Obviously this advice is like nails on a chalkboard for me, but I want infant skin and had officially run out of options. Biologique has such a great reputation (it’s in the same league as La Mer and SKII), so I figured this would be a great start.
It was. After taking home Nina’s personalized selections of a curated three-step routine, my skin has changed completely. Not only has properly treating my skin type improved its tone and luminosity, but it has also regulated my oil production to prevent painful breakouts. I hardly have to reach for my foundation now!
Biologique deserves a lengthy review because it’s expensive AF and no one should go into a pricey beauty investment blind… unless that investment is vajazzling in which case yes please, and where can I get it done?
A cream cleanser has never changed my life, but as far as gentle formulas go, this one is pretty satisfying. The texture is smooth and milky, leaving the skin feeling porcelain and plump. Nina recommended this cleanser after my facial because I needed to follow up the intense chemical exfoliating treatments with a mild solution that would allow my skin to heal.
Keeping this in mind, I love using the Lait U Calming Cleanser in the morning to freshen up because I reserve my own at-home deep-cleaning treatments for night (particularly the Dr. Brandt Microdermabrasion Skin Exfoliant and Nip + Fab Glycolic Instant Fix Mask).
Contrary to the packaging, Lait U does not completely dissolve my makeup or nasty NYC airborne grime. I found that cleansing with only this milk cleanser twice per day would leave me with clogged pores by the end of the week. Chances are this would not happen with dry skin, but oily skin types may want to consider a different cleanser for night. I think the Bliss Fabulous Makeup Melt Gel-To-Oil Cleanser is better than a Clarisonic.
If you’re going to take the plunge and invest in a Biologique skincare routine, you might as well grab this cleanser as a compliment. The ingredients interact well with the rest of the line, so you won’t have to worry about irritation. It’s also the least expensive product in the lineup at $28.00, a price tag you’ll see with any other department store cleanser.
Let’s move on to Biologique’s hero product — the most hyped up toner I’ve ever encountered in my life.
If Crème de La Mer is the best moisturizer in the world, Lotion P50 is the best toner. Every makeup artist, aesthetician, and beauty editor supports this claim with an almost suspicious level of enthusiasm. New York Magazine called it, “Jesus In a Bottle”. I was skeptical to say the least.
There are a few iterations of P50: the original formula P50 “1970”, P50V, and P50W. Each variation of this toner is appropriate for a different skin type – normal, sensitive, mature… you get it. I use the Lotion P50 1970 with phenol. All three can be purchased with or without phenol, which is a carbolic acid that can be irritating to some skin types.
While I love this pH balancing toner with all my heart and would use it as an offering to the Gods… it stinks. Oh my god, it stinks. It smells so strong, and bad, and not good, and good Lord have mercy on my soul this is the strongest most acidic vinegar scent in the world. It’s a small price to pay and the scent does fade, but girl…
It tingles a little bit too, but that doesn’t really bother me - I kind of like it. I have also never experienced irritation or flaking after applying P50. My skin looks a bit pink for a few minutes after application, but that quickly subsides and I feel no discomfort afterwards. The gentler previously mentioned formulas without phenol are less likely to sting, and are a safer bet for sensitive and dry skin types.
You guys, I put placenta on my face. *Insert the stressed out emoji dripping sweat*.
THIS STUFF STINKS TOO!!! There is really no way for me to compare this scent to anything else, because I have never smelled a placenta before. I’m a sick human being for rubbing it on my face anyway, but whatever. New year, new me?
I have a feeling that just this one ounce of moisturizer will last for months, because only a dime sized amount is needed to sufficiently moisturize my entire face and neck. It repairs damaged skin while hydrating, without creating a greasy surface. I love that I don’t wake up with puddles of grease around my T-zone in the morning when I use this moisturizer.
In summary, the P50 Lotion and Creme Placenta stink like hell, but have changed the texture of my skin. I feel like a baby seal! The Lait U does not stink, fortunately, and I would spend $28.00 on it just to compliment my skincare routine. It is not however, a world-class product like the other two.
I also have no idea which trio of Biologique products Mario Lopez uses specifically, but just knowing there is a possibility that his medicine cabinet looks somewhat like mine is enough to justify repurchasing these.
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS:Have you tried any of the highly hyped Biologique products?Do you love Mario Lopez and his smooth skin? If yes, attach your favorite Mario Lopez picture in the comments.If no, do you have a concussion?