I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE: Latex Numbing Thong Underwear (PLUS: The Best Razor For When You're Too Lazy To Wax)

Welcome to the life of an xoJane.com beauty editor. It’s a freak show!

Jul 11, 2011 at 2:02pm | Leave a comment

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Well, let me tell you what is actually happening. I am sitting in my little corner of the xoJane.com offices, quietly (sort of) wearing a pink latex thong.  That thong, in turn, is slathered with a baby blue numbing cream, and I am squirming around in my chair feeling disgusting.

Why am I wearing rubber numbing thong underwear?

THAT is the question that needs answering, right after “How badly do Jane, Anya and Emily want to kill me on Mondays when I come bouncing into the office to alarm them with the manic hyper-terrorism that is my personality unmedicated, full-blown ADHD raging?”

Answer: WAY badly, I suspect. Emily’s best move is literally putting her hand up to shield her eyes from my pathetically desperado attention-seeking maneveurs, which today have included opening a stained Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater I won for like $11 on Ebay, just to announce, grossly, dumbly, that “I like buying things on Ebay with stains. You can get some real deals!”

Wouldn’t you just kill me?! Mwahahaha, that’s why I sometimes get to write from home. And by sometimes I mean they encourage it.

ANYHOW, dudes; I am wearing numbing UNDERWEAR. Just because I'm bored and it's something to do. And the thing is this: It is not that numbing. I am not that numb. So am I saying it isn't working? I guess so. I'm going put on more before I officially say that; hold on.

[…]

Annnnd I’m back. Okay, I put on more and ... it’s a little tingly. I guess. The whole point of these numbing underpants is to wear them to a bikini wax appointment, but I think it should be known right this very moment that I am nowhere near that ambitious today.

These are by a company called BareEase & Cream (I didn’t even realize it until just now but that is totally a goofy pun and I can’t even), who are marketing this as something to wear to the waxer to make the experience less painful. I'm all, isn't this going to make getting a bikini wax even MORE annoying -- explaining why you're wearing rubber underwear and whatever to the person waxing you?! Right?

ANYHOW, according to the website, this rubber thong/“pain relieving” cream combo is the safe and convenient prep kit for ouchless ‘down there’ hair removal.”

Once again, I understand that in skipping the bikini wax element of this post, I am also skipping a cruicial part of the review. But I don't know what to tell you. All I can say right now is that I am not that numb. I really am not. I don't think this product is that great. Do I really have to wear one through a bikini wax to prove it?

Here's a product I can tell you for sure that I like, the Schick Quattro For Women Trimstyle Razor & Bikini Trimmer:


It's a battery-powered dual-sided razor that you get at the drugstore for like $12. It's waterproof, it looks cool in the box in those Malibu teen spirit-y colors, and while it does fall apart a little more than I'd like when it is in my shower, it is overall a great shaving product that lasts many uses. I won't go into detail because I don't want too many creepy letters from inmates, but as a bikini-area shaver, it does the job, thank you. And I use it many times over before I replace it and it remains good.

I've found that (and it's not that groundbreaking unless you're a me, a beauty editor who's tried tons of non-Skintimate shaving products just because I've been sent them: oils, soaps, really pricey creams, etc.) the same Skintimate shaving creams that you've been using since 7th grade are still the best shaving products on the market. That said, isn't it sort of cute that fashion designer Mara Hoffman (here, MH's Shopbop selection) recognized and did a designer bottle collaboration with the shaving product brand:

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Cute, right? I mean, whatever, they smell good and they're teenybopper-pretty to look at -- as much as a can of shaving cream can be -- while you're zoning out in the shower or tub. What else could you want for your $4?

Like I was saying, Skintimate products are really the best shaving creams out there and I've tried a gazillion different things as a beauty editor (the most indulgent: Shu Uemura Cleansing Oil for face as shaving oil on legs -- seriously, it works, too!) and we should all just stop looking for anything else; these are the best. I couldn't find a direct link to buy the Mara Hoffman edition cans, but surely they're in your local drugstore or wherever.

Thoughts? What are your favorite shaving products in the summer?