I went to a "Mom's Night Out" event for organic food brand Earth's Best the other night. Don't ask me why I was invited, but I go to anything with an open bar. Along with the usual hors d'oeurves and cocktails, they had these huge kiosks filled with delicious squeezy fruit purees designed for babies as well as Pop Snax, which are really just teeny tiny rice cakes safe for toothless mouths.
I've been eating baby food for years despite the misconception that adults who eat food for infants have eating disorders. False. Organic baby food is a great choice for adults as well because it's low-calorie, free from additives and packaged in cuteness.
Beauty products designed for newborns and toddlers are also wonderful. Again, they're usually not loaded with the chemicals found in adult products and they're housed in mood-lifting, brightly colored, animal-adorned packaging. And anything designed with babies in mind is instantly more desirable. Jordans are OK, but baby Jordans!? Irresistible.
Here are some other borrowed-from-baby products and mannerisms that I encourage:
Earth's Best Infant Puree Pouch: This all-natural vegan mouth massage doubles as a healthy snack and a dessert. You could also squeeze one into a vodka soda or whatever as I did at the Earth's Best event and BOOM -- you've got a low-calorie fruity cocktail.
Earth's Best Pop Snax: "Enough about Earth's Best," I can sense you thinking. Bear with me here. These ultra-light bite-sized snacks are like a rice cake, popcorn hybrid and they're surprisingly filling. Nonetheless, I took down three tubes in the space of an hour the other night and I don't regret it.
"If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."
This might sound vagina-phobic, but I think the same standard applies to dudes. Unlike Howard however, I don't believe that baby wipes should be kept on display.
What I love about these particular wipes is that they're completely devoid of synthetic ingredients and additives. Safe for sensitive bits and fine for use on your face in a pinch.
Laughing Indiscriminately: Babies really laugh at anything and it's totally lovable. I asked a real baby mom to confirm this theory. "He laughs at nothing," she said of her son. "His laugh makes me laugh." My closest friends are also generous with their laughter, therefore we laugh a lot and we feel extra funny when we're together.
What other baby things am I forgetting? Tell me! I only know one actual baby.
Julie is on Twitter @JR_Schott.