I can't tote clutter to paradise.
cleaning
friendships
When someone flakes out on me consistently, my shit gets sloppier than Nicholas Cage.
mantras
I am a believer in a bunch of hippie-dippie hullaballoo, and following a few general mantras has helped me shelve my bitch face and improve my life overall.
productivity
For some reason, whenever I tell people I am a morning person, they look at me like I just told them I put peanut butter on my pizza. Oh girl, you nasty.
in a relationship
If they can't handle a bit of bathroom humor, then we probably aren't a good match anyway. I'm pretty disgusting.
fitness
I normally write articles about the things I do in my kitchen, or my orgasm anxiety, but today, I am about to whine for the next 1,000 words about my ass.
cooking
I have FIVE different kinds of blenders, and a juicer. I have a tofu press, a slow cooker, and a rice cooker.
orgasms
As soon as I start to feel real good, my brain goes on some self-hating, orgasm-thwarting monologue about how my partner is probably bored out of their mind.
adults
There are a few things that a younger version of me wrongly assumed I would own by now, as if a box would have miraculously appeared on my doorstep labeled “Miscellaneous Adult Necessities.”
kombucha
The energy and excitement I put into this whole kombucha project only proved that I probably do need more friends.
chia seeds
I have been eating the same damn breakfast every day for the past 5 years because when I find a good thing, I stick with it.
orgasms
When I first started having orgasms, I was just so excited to be coming at all that I was never really concerned with quality. Since then, I have become a smidge more sexually entitled.
love is art
Basically, you lay out the plastic sheet, then the canvas, squirt on some paint, and have sex on top of it all, creating an abstract design on the canvas.
nutrition
Taste aside, making nut milk is incredibly cheap, and good for those who spend an abundance of time in their kitchen, and/or want to know EXACTLY what they're eating.
caves
I accepted an invitation from a family friend, Dave, to join him an expedition to explore what locals call the "yoni cave."
healthy
So if I am not sleeping, what am I doing in bed? I am worrying.
sugar
Every now and then I go on a sugar binge that leaves me feeling a bit ashamed of myself. A few years ago, because I am stubborn, I decided to temporarily give it up. Screw you sugar, you don't own me.
smoothies
I have a bit of a smoothie problem. I have at least one a day, and in the summer, sometimes I crave them up to three times daily.
sex
I'm about to get pretty new-agey on you. But don't worry, I will ease you into it with a fun story about me sleeping with my yoga teacher during a period of intense personal demolition.
moms
My mother has had a passion for nutrition for as far back as I can remember. We didn't eat white bread. My brother and I weren't allowed to eat cereal for breakfast if one of the first three ingredients was sugar, which naturally eliminated everything our friends were munching on.
food
Not only is the fruit supposedly an aphrodisiac, but durian lovers swear it raises levels of serotonin, temporarily easing anxiety and providing a "hot body high." Like crack. Fruit crack?
healthy
You know the usual cold remedies: drink lots of water, avoid booze, sleep sleep sleep, sip some tea. Repeat. But freezing your socks? What holistic wizardry is this?
vegan
Lots of cosmetics contain things like beeswax and fish enzymes (ew), as well as bone char, albumen (derived from egg whites) and other dairy products. Blech!
depression
I guess all those girls who signed that “We Think You're A Slut” petition in the 8th grade had a point.
