We may have the brains to invent the wheel, but at the end of the day we're just water and soft tissue; sometimes all it takes is a stranger to sneeze in your direction to screw it all up.
Even if we don't admit it, mama's got a secret checklist. Like, maybe one day you wanna make out with a guy who looks like a hobo, or do-si-do with Grizzly Adams, or join the slutty best friends club with a redhead.
The last time I learned something completely new was that First Aid course in '05, when I nearly killed the CPR dummy. So with the advent of this sudden crash course in pirate, my noggin was all, "UNSUBSCRIBE."