My only prior experience with store-bought fake nails was the embarrassment of having them fall off in public. How mortifying is it to look down at your plate and see that your nails are now chilling in your salad like some cheap plastic nail-shaped croutons? Hell no, and no ma'am.
Men and women who give you the "I don’t want you but don’t go hook up with someone who actually does want you 'cause that will give me the sads” speech are low down dirty DOGS.
The rule is when the teenybopper grocery clerk or the yoga pants and Starbucks-sipping moms at playgroup ask how you are, they do not want you to say anything but “Fine” “Great” or “I’m good.”