I call this the sad-to-sex routine: Guy tells me his Tragic Story, then tries to get handsy. No, thank you.
sex, sex, sex ... and love
psychiatry
If I wanted to go to a professional regarding the amount of jiggle I'm packin', I would have chosen a trainer or nutritionist, not a psychiatrist.
repairs
Hello. My name is Sarah, and I am disastrous person.
sexual assault
The officer chuckled. "Frankly, there's nothing we can do." My eyes were wide with disbelief as I saw her fold up the paper she had been writing on and open the passenger door of the car. "And my suggestion?" she offered. "If you have the cash, take a cab home."
boobs
While my right breast had developed into a full, rounded, cleavable C cup, my left breast had grown into a pert little teardrop-shaped mound, sitting inches higher than her partner.
cancer
Much like other diseases that many people mistakenly pass off as the end result of an individual's weak will in the face of overwhelming vice, lung cancer is often treated with an attitude that blames the sick, rather than treating them with the compassion they deserve.
bitches
For many people with self-esteem problems, there is comfort in the status quo. Once I had banished all the assholes from my life, I realized it was something I strangely craved.
body
The human body is a miracle! Let's stuff things into it.
inheritance
While 22-year-old me might have rented a party bus and bought a case of Moet, these days, I'm a grown-ass lady. What do I do with the $$$?
bridal gowns
My first experience trying on wedding gowns may have put me off the whole thing forever. Help me pick a dress online?
engagements
Since getting married is no longer the compulsory life event for women that it once was, a lot of us are feeling a little weirdly unprepared for the whole wedding industrial complex thing.
ethnicity
While it's one thing to have your own family jokingly question your parentage, it's quite another when the questions come at you from strangers.
celebrity
I propose that in the future, instead of putting him on the front page of every website every time he throws a chair through a window or spends a day on the beach screaming at seagulls (seriously, WTF?), we turn a blind eye.
barbara walters
Adrien Brody kissing Halle Berry made headlines for months, but nobody bats an eye when Joy Behar sticks Hugh Jackman's hand between her thighs?
budgeting
I'm accustomed to the finer things in life, like wiping and meals, and I've found ways to survive despite having to pay for everything in change.
doctors
It was not PMS, you dicks.
body acceptance
While I imagined the girls around me to be growing shiny strips of Barbie hair or dense, chesnut 70's porn afros between their legs, my body did me the indignity of daubing the tiniest smear of strawberry on my otherwise ungarnished muffin.
bitches
I'm here today to present an idea about working women that may be as unpopular as the thought of wearing an Ann Taylor Loft sweater dress without Spanx: Being a bitch is a bad and crazy idea.
dating
Are we really going to do this during "The Pianist"?
