damn hipsters get off my lawn
I will probably judge you for wearing a band shirt you bought at Urban Outfitters.
being fat in the world
You are literally unprepared for this jelly.
coke
You know what would happen if I got a bottle of cola I couldn’t open out of a machine? I would try to furtively open it with my teeth.
celebrities
While my peers swooned over the New Kids, I was wondering just how to go about contacting James Caan -- in my pants.
expired
Spontaneous rashes, bad color choices, and the smell of an old guy's rotten mouth.
Rebecca in

May 7, 2013 at 12:00pm | 107 comments

getting organized
In which the following is discussed: murder, the mental anguish of my future children, AND CRISCO.
Rebecca in

May 6, 2013 at 11:00am | 89 comments

big boobs
My boobs were never welcomed in any workplace in corporate America.
being fat all over the internet
exercise
Your boss wants you to "voluntarily" let him know how much you are working out. I want him to "voluntarily" punch himself in the nards.
Rebecca in

Apr 23, 2013 at 12:30pm | 132 comments

panic attacks
Panic attacks aren't fun. But they can be funny.
Rebecca in

Apr 17, 2013 at 2:00pm | 119 comments