Jennifer Lemons

Age: 39

Twitter:  @thecheckoutgirl

What I Do, Job-wise: Writer. Twitter Comedian. Storyteller. Ukulele Enthusiast. Dilettante. Bon Vivant. Superhero. Oversharer. Dirty Girl.

What I Do, Fun-wise: Tell my stories, whether it be on stage in front of an audience or at a coffee shop in front of the unwilling. Knitting. Singing. Dancing. Celebrating shit.

I’ve spent the last year writing a one woman show, Loosely Based On A Real Girl, which will debut November 2011 at the Empire Theatre in downtown Richmond, VA.

My Motto: “Nothing comes from nothing / Nothing ever could / So somewhere in my youth or childhood / I must have done something good” Julie Andrews GETS me.

My Anti-Motto: "I’m bored.”

The First Movie Star I Ever Had A Crush On: Alan Ruck as Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

The Most Played Song On My iTunes: “A Long December” by Counting Crows

Last Book I Read Without Skimming Any Parts: "Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys: Professionals Writing on Life, Love, Money, and Sex" Edited by David Henry Sterry and R.J. Martin, Jr.

My Most Worn Item of Clothing: A black bra that makes my breasts look magnificent (discontinued now, naturally).

Beauty Products That I Hoard: I collect nail polish like a crazy cat lady, sunscreen (I’m never without it), e.l.f. cosmetics (cheap and good), and Sephora Rouge Cream lipsticks.

I smell like: Harajuku Lovers G, those markers that smell like fruit, and, sometimes, red meat. I love red meat.

I Have Faked An Orgasm (Yes/No): Yes, but not until I got paid for it.

More info about me at