So, here I am. I’m exactly where I want to be in life and totally lost at the same time. My two daughters and my husband are perfection, but my job is lacking and I’m searching for my dream job. Not to mention that I have YET to go to on all-inclusive tropical island vacation, dang it!

Age: 33

Twitter: @grapebubbles

What I Do, Job-wise: Sell high-end athletic club memberships (I have to put “high-end” because at my college reunion I told some girl [who is now a lawyer] that I sold athletic club memberships and I guess she thought I meant some little meathead gym and the snob stopped talking to me!).

What I Do, Fun-wise: Eat. I don’t have much time to have fun these days.

My Motto: Be nice to everyone. Except to the people who aren’t nice to you. Then just be kind of nice but stop talking to them.

My Anti-Motto: Goldschläger and Southern Comfort are an unstoppable duo.

The First Movie Star I Ever Had a Crush On: I thought I had a crush on Matthew Broderick until I put his poster from Tiger Beat on my wall and had to take it down in the middle of the night because he was creeping me out.

My “Celebs to Make Out With” List: Leonardo DiCaprio, Orlando Bloom (is that boring? Doesn’t everyone? I can’t help it), Ewan McGregor (but only when he was in Moulin Rouge), and Lea Michele from Glee.

The Most-Played Song on My iTunes: Currently, “More” by Usher. Makes me feel all rave-y inside.

Movie That I Watch When I Have My Period: One reason to have a baby is to avoid periods for a couple of years.

Last Book I Read Without Skimming Any Parts: If I’m being completely literal, then it was No More Diapers for Ducky.

My Most-Worn Item of Clothing: Other than the gray bra that was white when I bought it, probably my dad’s hand-me-down “Skate Patrol” T-shirt.

Beauty Products That I Hoard: Lotion 

I Smell Like: Teen Spirit. And baby spit-up on occasion.

I Have Faked An Orgasm (Yes/No): Um, yep. Not in a long time, I swear.